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DIVORCE-REMARRIAGE THERE'S HOPE
| MARRIAGE-DIVORCE-REMMARIAGE, GETTING THE ANSWERS |
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Many who are divorced and those who are now remarried, know firsthand the inner and outer conflicts which often confront those who are separated, divorced, and in many cases now remarried. Sometimes there are inner feelings of failure, guilt, shame, and depression, which linger long after the marriage has ended. While outwardly there are often harsh criticisms by some in the church. It is not my intent in this book to promote divorce, but it is my intent to give a right understanding on this controversial subject. I wrote and dedicated a entire book to the subject of how to make ones marriage work, including things to consider before getting marriage. I did so with the hopes that it would help those who get married, improve their chances of having a divorce proof marriage. I realize that the dramatic increase in the divorce rate, is a reminder that many marriages have not survived. It is my hope that this study will help those who have gone through a divorce learn to go on in God in a positive manner. |
Almost thirty years ago as a young pastor, one of the first issues I had to deal with, was the question of divorce and remarriage. Some of our church members were divorced and now single. Some of them, who were divorced and single, told me that they were struggling with strong sexual desires. They said they desired to be remarried, to avoid the temptation to commit fornication. Others were divorced and in a second marriage, when they joined the church. The Issue I had to face was what to tell them. Being young in the ministry and not wanting to tell them wrong, I sought the council of brethren, whom I felt were more knowledgeable than myself, on these matters. I had them come in and teach on the subject, these being brethren of great integrity, I was sure, that their teachings would reflect, the mercy, wisdom and holiness of God. In their teachings, they told those who were divorced, that they had to stay single until their former spouses died. They warned, if they got married they would be living in adultery. It was also their doctrine, that if a person was divorced and remarried, they could not hold any offices in the church, because they were living in adultery. When it came to the matter of the divorced and single individual's, struggle with sexual desires (which were strong and prevalent) they were told to simply pray these desires away. After hearing what was said in this conference, I realized that there was something about these teachings which did not sound right; Their teaching did not fully reflect, the mercy, wisdom and holiness of God. It seemed to me that there was more to this matter than what was being said. It was during this time, that I began to study to see if I could accept and teach, what these brethren, whom I loved and respected, were teaching. After studying the Bible I saw that there was more to this story, than what these brethren were teaching. At that time I told the church, that we would accept those in the church, who had been divorced and remarried, and that they could function, in every church office. I also told those who were single by reason of divorce, it was better for them to remarry, than burn in lust to the point of fornication. I can still remember to this day, much of the criticism, and the stigma I encountered, because I took this stand. I read some material on the subject of separation, divorce, and remarriage, but did not find any material, which compiled all the issues, in a clear and concise manner. In this book it is my intent to honestly look at the facts, as outlined in the Bible. It is my desire to do so, without any bitterness or animosity, toward anyone. In this book It's my intent to help those who sincerely desire to please God, to obtain a good understanding, of what the Bible says on this subject.
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Divorce affects many Christians. Some are involved in divorce before they come to faith in Christ; others while they are Christians. Christians sometimes initiate the divorce; sometimes they are divorced against their wishes. Sometimes divorce involves a believer and an unbeliever. And, sometimes both spouses are believers and both wish to remarry within the church. Some churches forbid remarriage and are accused of being hard-hearted; other churches allow remarriage and are accused of cheapening the sanctity of marriage. Some voice the opinion, God hates divorce, there are no grounds for it, and simply leave it there. Others say there are biblical grounds for divorce, but none for remarriage. Then there are those who say there are grounds for both divorce and remarriage. There is a way to get the right understanding on this subject. But to do so, we must first understand God's true nature and how he deals with the fallen nature of man. In an ideal world where human beings followed God's ways perfectly, made perfect choices in choosing their marriage partner, understood what marriage was and faithfully kept their vows, there would be no need for divorce. But we live in an imperfect world beset by human weakness, unfaithfulness, irresponsibility, people marrying the wrong person and for the wrong reasons, etc. In sorting all of this out, it is only as God's nature of love, holiness and mercy, is considered and how God lovingly deals with man's fallen nature of rebelliousness and sin, that we can get a right understanding on this subject. Perhaps you were the innocent victim of a divorce you never wanted, and later on you remarried. Perhaps you were the guilty party (an adulterer) who wickedly departed from your spouse for someone else. Perhaps you are divorced and single, and find yourself struggling due to loneliness and strong sexual desires, in your attempts to adhere to your church's doctrine of staying single until the death of your spouse. In any case no matter who you are, and what you have endured at the hands of others or inflicted on others in times past; If you are at this point in your life, seeking to please God, I dedicate this study to you. |
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There are no doubt frivolous reason why some people get a divorce. Jumping ship because of rough times or times of disagreement in the marriage is not in itself valid reasons for divorce or separation. All marriage have times of disagreement, and areas where there needs to be improvements. Oftentimes marriages fail because one or both parties in a marriage don't have a heartfelt desire to stay committed to their vow to stay together and work at making their marriage better. Pastor J. David Hoke tells us we need to get a balanced scriptural understanding of what the Bible says concerning divorce, we quote. "We must be careful when we listen to what the church says. Often, churches are guilty of twisting the Scriptures to accommodate their own particular bias. Generally, they either raise the standard or lower it. On one hand, well-meaning people raise the standard in their desire to stop divorce. So they say there should be no divorce for anybody for any reason and absolutely no remarriage for anyone at any time, period. That sounds nice and neat, doesn't it? The only problem with it is that while it may be well-intentioned, it is biblically incorrect. On the other hand, there are those well-intentioned people who look at the problem of divorce and say we must not forget that people are involved, and we need to love them, care for them, minister to them, and accept them. What happens here is that the standard is lowered to accommodate everybody. While these churches rightly emphasize forgiveness, they end up lowering the standard to the same as the worlds. And that is biblically wrong. Perhaps we should not be asking what the church says, but rather what the Bible - God's Word says. Does God have a word for the tragedy of divorce? The answer is, yes, He does. And it is a redemptive word for those who have been scarred by divorce; and also a strong word of encouragement for those seeking to build strong Christian marriages. |
PAT'S STORY
Pat loves God and she's committed to her husband and family. Her husband walks out on her divorces her and marries someone else. Pat soon realizes her sexual desires are still strong. She seeks spiritual advice concerning this matter. She is told she can never remarry as long as her ex-husband is alive, and if she does remarry. she would be living in sin, because God would never honor her second marriage. People who have been divorced, even if it was not their fault (their spouse walked out on them and married someone else) are told by certain religious organizations, that they can never remarry. The main verse which is misquoted supposedly as proof is Rom 7:2-3, where it says "For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man." It's unfortunate and sad, that many religious leaders have taken these verses out of context, in order to forbid certain individuals from getting married There are single believers who have been divorced, who find themselves faced with two desires, one is the desire to please God, and the other, is strong sexual desires. Satan has used ministers and even well meaning believers, to take certain verses concerning divorce and remarriage out of context, in his attempt to especially attack believers, who were the innocent party of the divorce. Even believers who were not at fault concerning their divorce, are told they can never remarry, and as far as their sexual needs are concerned, just forget about them. While the guilty party who left them, has gone on to whatever relationships they may choose. This should not be. Why would the devil want marriage forbidden, especially when this prohibition is directed toward those who are trying their best to please God? For the very reasons God wants it (MARRIAGE) practiced. "It is not good that the man should be alone" and its purpose is "to avoid fornication." Satan does not want fornication avoided. He wants it practiced! So if marriage prevents it then of course he will want to destroy that by getting people to divorce in the first place. Then after getting a marriage destroyed, of course he wants to prevent any rehabilitation or repair of that situation. Satan is simply opposed to marriage. This is why it is very disturbing to see brethren giving heed to theories whose emphasis is upon preventing marriage rather than upon preventing fornication on the part of the divorcee, who oftentimes is the innocent party, whose spouse walked out on them, and married somebody else. It is a often overlooked fact that some in the early church were divorced and some were in a second marriage. Those who were divorced were not told they could not remarry, and those in a second marriage were not told to leave their second spouse, because God would not honor this marriage. In the early church when single believers (single-never married, single-by divorce, single-via widowhood) found themselves faced with burning sexual desires, and the being tempted to commit fornication, Paul gave the same advice to them all. "On the question of which persons may marry Paul wrote, "to avoid fornication let every man have his own wife and let every woman have her own husband" (1 Corinthians 7:2). On the question of whether a man who has been divorced by his wife would sin by marrying, Paul wrote, "Art thou loosed from a wife? Seek not a wife. But and if thou marry thou hast not sinned" (1 Corinthians 7:27-28). Author and teacher, Olan Hicks makes the following observations. " In this text the word translated "loosed" is formed on the stem word "luo," surely referring to divorce. What about verses 10-11? Is that not an order to remain unmarried if one separates from a mate?" No. She has the option of being reconciled to her husband. This order is not given to divorced people, here or elsewhere. The passage starts out, "Unto the married I command..." This is an order to people who are married. And the order is do not depart from your mate, but if you do, remain unmarried and be reconciled. This is what married people ought to do, if reasonably possible. But the problem comes about when men try to take this passage, written to the married, and apply it to the divorced. "Depart" does not mean "divorce." This is "choridzo," not "apoluo." The obvious intention is to place a number one priority on saving the marriage, not to place a sentence of permanent celibacy upon divorcees. The command "remain unmarried" is never given to divorced people in the Bible".
THE BIBLE IS OFTEN MISQUOTED (COMPARE BELOW)
Those who are divorced and remarried are told they cannot work in ministry, as long as they are remarried, and their first spouse is still living. The main verse which is misquoted supposedly as proof is Rom 7:2-3, where it says "For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man." It's unfortunate and sad, that many religious leaders have taken these and other verses out of context, in order to forbid certain individuals from getting married, and holding ministerial offices. It is easy to prove this verse has been taken out of context. Those who say that these verses show, that the law of Moses taught to get married after being divorced, is to live in adultery (because God does not recognize a second marriage, while ones former spouse is alive) do so in error. The Bible clearly shows, under the law a woman was allowed to remarry after divorce, and she was not called an adulterer, READ IT FOR YOURSELF. "When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife, Deut 24:1-2. The law Paul spoke of was not a law of Moses, which forbade a divorced person from getting remarried. but the law of the land which forbade bigamy. Bigamy--Having two spouses at the same time, the offense of marrying someone while you have a living spouse from whom no valid divorce has occurred. Under the law this applied more to the woman than the man. As we know Moses had more than one wife, David and Solomon had more than one wife. But none of their wives could have two husbands (more than one husband at a time). Even in our modern culture (which now forbids polygamy even for the man), the act of contracting a new marriage while a previous one is still binding, is illegal. Many people find out that even when their spouse left them, their sexual desire remained. Just as Christ and Paul said, they have trouble being contentedly single, because of their strong sexual desires. Many in this group are told marriage is no longer an option for them. As for their desires, they are told just to pray there sexual desires off, it's all in their head, and that sex is not a need, only a desire, etc. In order to uphold this doctrine, those who are divorced can't remarry, verses have to be taken out of context, and other verses have to be completely ignored. We will now take a look at both sides of this debate.
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