COMPANIONSHIP--  One of the main intents of marriage (on the part of God) was to provide Adam with companionship.  Dr. Norman Wright said, "...within each of us is the hunger for contact, acceptance, belonging, intimate exchange, responsiveness, support, love and the touch of tenderness." A caring partner can fill that need so we do not have to feel lonely.  God planned it that way when He created Adam. Genesis 2:18 says, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."  Simply stated, God made Adam a companion suited for him. Neither a beautiful environment nor a variety of animals would fill the bill.   Marriage, right from the start, was to be a relationship based on a mutual, caring companionship.  It is not a dictator- doormat relationship.  Paul makes this clear when he begins talking about husband and wife relationships by saying "submitting yourselves one to another..." in Ephesians 5:21.  True love and marriage is a partnership.  It is companionship.  In the first unveiling of the marriage bond, God said "It is not good that a man should be alone" - an observation that belongs equally to women.  Eve was created a companion for Adam, and vice versa.  The Hebrew word for "companion" expresses a close personal relationship.  In marriage, a man and a woman are to become intimately united in body, purpose, thoughts and goals -"one flesh".    

AM I DATING TO WED, OR TO JUST GO TO BED??    Because many today have conditioned to date simply for the sake of dating, they tend to date aimlessly. If couples dated with the intent and desire to be married, they will find themselves dating with a distinct purpose.  Because many don't do this, but mainly see dating as a way of hanging out, they place themselves in sexually compromising situations. As a result the modern day concept of dating denotes, continual sexual; encounters, minus a marital commitment. One of the worse things we can do is date aimlessly following the path a carnally minded world has laid out for us. Casual dating often distracts us from the task at hand, and does little if anything to prepare a person for marriage. Most young men and women are attracted to the dating scene for different reasons.   #1. Young women are often looking for the security of emotional support and that feeling of being cherished by one person - being someone's "one and only"!    #2. Young men are often looking for an outlet for their growing physical desires and sexual urges.  This is not to say that young men don't desire, emotional conectiviness, they do, but for most young men their strongest drive is their sex drive. Even when the couple has the goal of being pure and chaste, they will still be subject to the struggle of keeping growing desires under control. Many young people who desire to do the right thing, struggle to maintain sexual purity by abstaining from sexual intercourse during the dating process. Yet many are engaging in sexual acts. They deceive themselves by legalistically reasoning they haven't violated God's boundaries because they haven't technically had penetrative sex.  The main reason people have difficulty avoiding sexual intercourse is that they've already crossed too many other lines. When a couple reaches this point perhaps it's time to give heed to the words of the apostle Paul.  "2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.   9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.  1st Cor 7:2&9.  

TILL NARCISM  DO US PART---   A very critical matter to consider prior to marriage, is just how selfish and self centered ones potential spouse is.  According to many modern day psychological explanations of marriage. The psychotherapeutic concept of marriage is self-fulfillment. The purpose of marriage is to meet the needs of oneself and not particularly the partner's. The very foundation of this view of marriage is overwhelmingly one where self-centeredness and self-indulgence is promoted as the ultimate goal.  One of the greatest hindrances to a good marriage is selfishness.  What is selfishness??   SELFISHNESS means to be concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, comfort or well-being without regard for others. Our society is consumed with the me, me, mentality.  For many, their idols are pleasure, comfort and self indulgence, no matter the cost and inconvenience toward others. This same selfishness has found its way into many marriages. Many couples to are mutually selfish (in a negative way).  When there is a problem, neither willing to apologize first, admit when they are wrong or simply stop being selfishly stubborn. Husbands and wives must, express positive affections, be committed, be respectful, be supportive, simply said they must treat each other the way you would want to be treated. Unfortunately, there are instances where a healthy relationship is virtually impossible to achieve because of a good dose of selfishness wrapped in narcissism on the part of one or both parties. Subsequently, this narcissistic behavior, creates significant pain and suffering in marriages and families. It is a major cause of marital anger, infidelity, separation and divorce. Paul tells couples they are to fill their God assigned roles in marriage.  Selfishness will hinder this process, 22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.  25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;  26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,  28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  Ephe 5:22-28.  When both partners are spiritually, and emotionally well balanced and the relationship dynamic is healthy, giving of ones self, can make the marriage enjoyable and successful in the long term.  In this portion of our study, we will examine the most effective ways to deal with selfishness as it relates to marriage.

The traditional family setting of a husband and wife, with no prior marriages living with and raising their own biological kids, has steadily been on the decrees.. For better or worse, we are living in a time when nearly half of all marriages end in separation or divorce. Filled with hope and unbridled optimism, the majority of adults go on to re-couple or remarry and often with children from their previous relationships.  Unfortunately the statistics tell us a very sad but true story. Two thirds of these new unions also break up when children are involved. The complex nature of life within a newly formed step or blended family lends itself to a very high rate of failure. Over the last fifity years, there has been a major swift in the traditional family structure. Given today's high divorce and remarriage rates, families often now include step-parents and step-siblings. A issue that many who are the verge of getting married, and many who are now married face, is how to blend step parents and step children into a working family unity. The definition of a , "Stepfamily" Is any marriage where at least one of the partners has a child, or children from a previous relationship.  The definition of a  Blended Family,  Is a union where in addition to one or both spouses bringing children to the situation (as in a stepfamily), the new couple have had at least one child together. There are many who are in a relationship which potentially will lead to step-ship. Single, separated or divorced individuals with children, who are contemplating marriage; also, individuals without children who are considering a marrying someone who has children from a previous relationship. The best time to address the critical issues is before the marriage takes place. Even at the dating stage, the issues of "Step" when kids are in the equation need to be thoughtfully considered and planned for.   Christ emphasizes the importance of counting the cost, of being in a relationship with him.  This same advices applies to counting the cost of being in the human relation of marriage, and all that comes with it.  Count the cost.  28 For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?  29 Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him,  30 Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish.  Luke 14:28-30.   Most experts agree that the sensitive issues, delicate feelings and strained relationships that are built into any step situation are intense.  If  these the sensitive issues, delicate feelings, and the strains put on these step relationships, are not handled carefully,  they have the potential to destroy any chance the family has of finding any sense of (if not happiness), at least common ground and common purpose together.

CHILD REARING, TEACHING KIDS TO HONOR GOD IN THE DAZE OF THEIR YOUTH --I have on occasion talked to couples, who were at odds, in regards to issues concerning child rearing. Oftentimes one spouse would accuse the other of being to hard, and the other would accuse them of be to lenient.   Oftentimes just this issue alone, if not dealt with forthrightly, and correctly, will wreck havoc in a marriage. Some husbands and wives are willing to do all it takes to make the marriage work: That is until it comes to disciplining their unruly kids. Some parents are very defensive when it comes to correcting their children, whom it's obvious to all is totally out of control, ungrateful, and rude.  When we throw into this mix what is being mandated by local governments, that educators teach,  (as my wife who has taught school for over 25 years can attest to) right parenting today is a daunting task. Kids today are facing levels of sinfulness, wickedness, and perversion, that most of us who are fifty and over, when we were kids, never encountered.  It's impossible to comprehend the societal landscape our kids face today, without, understanding the origin and impact of what has become known as "secular humanism." Secular Humanism: is the doctrine emphasizing a person's capacity for self-realization through reason; It's man's religion about himself, it's his attempt to function as a civilized society with the exclusion of God and His moral principles. Contrary to the denial of some,  Secular humanism is a religion it views man as the supreme being of the universe. It rejects the existence of God as well as man's accountability to Him (if he does exist). It sees moral values as relative and changing and varying from person to person. The consequences have been - and continue to be - disastrous for our younger generation. It's God's desire that within the family unit,  Parents teach their children, basic moral principles, which in turn can be acted out, in their day to day life living.  In this portion of our study we will look at some of the critical things to teach our kids.