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SEXUAL REALITY
"Today we live in a world of darkness, low moral standards, negative influences, premarital sex, drugs, violence, rebellion, and selfishness. These problems in our society root back to the sinful nature of fallen man and the compromising of Christian values." Lewis Burrell III http://www.thewakeupcall.org/
Adolescence is a time in which young people are working out who they are and how they will interact with the world around them. It is a critical stage in the development of personal and sexual identity. Young people are more and more turning to the media including, internet pornography at the same time as they undertake this important developmental task. One website which provides advice and information to 16 to 25-year-olds, say they have noticed an alarming increase in the volume of emails, which denotes desperate, sexual concerns and confusion. The operator of this site say they have lost count of the number of young women in their late teens and early 20s, who write in with the same concern. They say their boyfriend and in many cases their husband, can't stop watching porn: 'Why does he watch porn so much when he's with me?'; 'How can I ever measure up to the women in porn?'; 'Why aren't I good enough?'; 'Is it normal to have pubic hair?" Girls really do think they're expected to look like life-sized Barbie dolls: long of limb, large of breast and with no body hair whatsoever. Young men too are beset by insecurities and misapprehensions, fueled by exposure to porn: 'My penis is too small compared to the ones I've seen on the internet, how can I get it enlarged?'; 'I want to watch my girlfriend have sex with my best friend. Is this a good idea?? The floodgates of sexual information and misinformation, have not only been swung wide open, but have been ripped of the hinges, there is now no way to close them. This sudden and dramatic shift to the exposure of sexual imagery has left the various components of our society, who try to explain it all, (parents, churches, educational system, etc). Scrambling, in an attempt to explain to the younger generation, what it all means. In times past the most commonly given advice to those who desired to be sexually active, was to get married. |
STRONG SEXUAL DESIRE, A SIGN ONE NEEDS TO BE MARRIED
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As a young person you should know that, strong sexual desires, are not dirty, sinful, or unholy, they are God given. You should also know that God has provided an outlet for these sexual desires. If you are young and single and struggling with masturbation, fornication, wet dreams, etc. this is a strong indication that you are burning with sexual passion. The Bible offers one solution to these sexual situations, marriage The Bible clearly tells us, if we desire to be sexually active, we need to be married. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 1st Cor 7:2. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn, 1st Cor 7:9. *These verses highlights marriage as the solution, for those who are burning in sexual passion. Marriage is God's version of safe sex. The reason being there is coming a day when he will judge all who are sexually active outside the marriage bed. 4Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge, Heb 13:4. The Bible's doctrine "it's better to marry than BURN" has now been mainly pushed aside by young people. They say they must first finish college, and get set financially, or simply shack up for a while. Unfortunately the sex drive of most young people does not put itself on hold, until these goals are achieved. Thus in the midst of trying to get ahead financially and educationally, many today find themselves becoming sexually active, minus the marital bond. Paul described the sex drive as so strong as to be a inner burning. Sad to say for many today, this burning is not going unheeded, sexual promiscuousness, has dramatically increased, while the number of people getting married is declining. For many young adults, the most immediate and pressing priority is getting a college education, "getting set" financially, or simply to explore their options, (while at the same time being sexually active). Because many today, marry much later in life, and due to the fact, that marriage is placed lower on the totem pole, much has changed. There has been a dramatic increase in the level of fornication, loss of virginity before getting married and in other forms of sexual activity. Not only has there been a dramatic increase in these types of sexual activities, but there also has been an extension in the longevity of time, in which this activity continues. There is no denying the fact, that we live in an age where television, magazines, videos, DVD, and the Internet, has unleashed a tidal wave of pornographic images. With the combination of all of these sexually suggestive sights and sounds, combined with postponement of marriage, fornication in the lives of many has reared itself up as a hard task master. Because so many today postpone marriage, while at the same time being exposed to more visually sexually stimulating and suggestive images, young people are turning to sexual immorality on an unprecedented scale. It should keep in mind that for some who have became bound up in certain types of sexual misconduct (addicted to porn, for example), marriage alone may not correct this situation. One who is addicted in this way, needs to seek God for deliverance. Each of us are sexually different, therefore the need for marriage varies from person to person. This is not to say, that the need for sexual fulfillment should be the only reason why we get married. There are many other factors to consider, but the Bible does clearly show if we want to be sexually active, we need to be married. Some Bible teachers class sexual desire, as a option, rather than a need. Some, for example who are against remarriage after divorce, tell the young single divorcee, that they must remain celibate, and ignore their sexual desires (which for the divorcee, they call evil lust). They tell them to pray these sexual desires off, (which they label as a want not a need) and focus on God. The Bible on the other hand tells us a completely different story about our sexual desires. It tells us, for many individual, their sexual desires are strong and in reality is a need, which must be met. Paul said, for those who burn with strong sexual passions (which is not in themselves sinful) they need to be, if it is at all possible married. Paul also said, for those who have so decreed in themselves to deny themselves sexually, and can live a celibate lifestyle (such as he, Paul did) they have the right to remain single if they so choose. God will show us what category we fit into. 8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn, 1st Cor 7:8-9. |
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Of all the ways young people fall short, sexual misconduct is surely near the top of the list. Even the wisest of men (Solomon) and the strongest of men (Samson) fell victim to their sexual misconduct. Of all the ways, those in and out of the church are confused and lack a right understanding, sexual matters is again near or at the top of the list. I realize that this is a very delicate subject, and most ministers will not address much of the subject matter I will deal with in this study. I must confess that even I find it difficult to address some of these sexual issues. None the less I choose to address these most delicate of all sexual issues, because many of of our young people, have not been able to find the answers you really need, concerning sexual matters. Many of these issues, are issues, that as a pastor, I was asked about by young church members or their parents in private. Often the person who asked was almost too embarrassed to ask, and had to be coaxed into expressing their true sexual concerns. I will try to biblically answer many of these delicate issues, in a way which is respectful to you and honoring to God. I sincerely ask for your prayers, that I might address this subject in a way which is acceptable in the sight of God. What emboldens me to address many of these sexual issues, stems from the fact that our sexuality is a concept which originated with God. This may come as a surprise to many people. SEX WAS Gods IDEA. He alone came up with this concept. Today the fact that sex was Gods idea seems to be lost in all the sexual chaos that men have conjured up in these last days. The Bible plainly shows us that Sex was Gods idea. Shortly after God formed Adam and Eve, he told them to BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY. In essence what he was telling them was to have SEX. While it's true (by Gods design) that sex is not only for pleasure, it is also the means by which the human race is perpetuated. God made this plain in his instructions given to Adam and Eve. "And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth", Gen. 1: 27. This fact does not take away from the pleasure aspects of our sexuality. Eventhough the Bible has much to say about sex, most churches shy away from this subject. Most people have to look elsewhere to get vital information on this subject, this should not be. GOD GIVES US GUIDELINES CONCERNING SEX WHICH ARE RELEVANT FOR THE TIME WE NOW LIVE IN. When God designed man with his sexual ability, God had more in mind than just the reproduction of the human race. By design, it was Gods intent that sex be the source of immense pleasure within the marital bonds. |
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According to Dr Peter Hammond, "One of the most serious threats to our younger generation comes through the entertainment industry. Superficial, sensational and immoral material predominates in the modern entertainment industry and it is producing an increasingly superficial, selfish, mindless and immoral society. Television, Ipods, mobile phone screens, and the Internet are filling the void in the aimless and meaningless lives of all too many young people. Due to all this graphic exposure, the young generation today is exhibiting a marked increase in the interest and participatory level of sexual issues, at a much earlier age. The younger generation is crying out for sexual answers, our response must not be panicked silence. Sex education in schools is insufficient, claimed Anna Martinez, head of a Sex Education Forum. She said: "Young people continue to tell us that there is a big gap between the sex education they need and the sex education they are getting in school, church, and from their parents. The younger generation is being taught a version of what sex looks like, and sounds like, its weird, violent, without restraints, and extremes, Parents and the church cannot ignore the phenomenon. Sex on TV and porn on the Internet is pervasive, and seemingly unstoppable. If banning it is a lost cause and blocking it at home in most cases ineffectual, then parents and Bible teachers have to gird their loins and talk about it. Internet porn and the way sexual activity is depicted, on TV, can't be allowed to exist in a vacuum of silence; otherwise young people, on the cusp of sexual experience, might believe in its unrealistic depiction: that being sexually active is a must, that all girls are Brazilian bikini-waxed nymphomaniacs; that good sex amounts to "harder, and harder thrusting" that boys are devoid of true love, tenderness, and commitment. etc.
SEXUAL REALITY-THE FLOOD-GATES HAVE BEEN RIPPED OFF THE HINGES |
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Exposure to sexual imagery is not new, but the development of the internet has contributed to a marked shift towards more extreme and more violent sexual imagery. Images of rape, coercion and abuse are freely available on the computer, and even on cell phones. Even when the acts portrayed are not so abusive, the images are often degrading and humiliating. The vast majority of portrayals are of men doing things to women for men's indulgence. These are more than just pictures on a screen. They are images that are ripe with meanings about men and women, what they like and about how they ought to treat each other. They are images that have lasting impact on the perceptions, attitudes and behaviors of the younger generation which are viewing them. The exposure of young people to pornography, including violent pornography, is particularly disturbing. Marcia Segelstein says, "Most people probably don't picture kids when they think about who is viewing pornography. But according to statistics cited by the non-profit advocacy organization Enough Is Enough, the largest group of viewers of Internet pornography is children between the ages of 12 and 17. And there's more. The average age of first exposure to Internet pornography is 11. Eighty percent of 15- to 17-year-olds have had multiple exposures to hardcore pornography. Nine out of ten children between the ages of 8 and 16 with Internet access have viewed pornographic websites, sometimes inadvertently in the course of looking up information for homework. Scary stuff. |
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For many young people today, the only thing that stands in the way of them seeing hardcore sexual images of every type is the warning we list here. As we know this warning is completely ignored, as they click into the new sexual horizon. Television, radio, movies, and now the Internet are sexually exerting influence upon young people, in ways we have never seen before. We are witnessing a major sexual cultural revolution that is having an incredible impact on our society. Yet, despite numerous warnings, few seem to understand what is really going on or where this surging wave of social change is taking us! One college educator addressing the question "Is TV corrupting our kids?" states that "because much of the content of television and other mass media involves issues of sexual conduct, the potential for influence in this area is especially great" (Atlanta Journal, May 24, 1992). Another professor observes that "the media are so compelling and so filled with sex, it's hard for any adult let alone a kid, to resist. I think of the media as our true sex educators" (USN&WR, Sept. 11, 1995)?yet films and television rarely show the serious consequences of promiscuous sex. The continuous portrayal of promiscuity as exciting, adultery as normal, and homosexuality as natural, plays a powerful role in molding attitudes and behaviors of the younger generation. When the human mind is constantly bombarded with images it is unable to think and reflect. The immediate availability of novelty, excitement and titillating thrills provide a pleasurable escape for young people who find their existence boring, empty, lonely or frustrating. Hillary Freeman tells us, "There was a time when pornography seemed passive, merely a girly magazine, on the top shelf of the store. Now, pornography - much of it hardcore and depicting abusive sexual acts few of us can even imagine, let alone want to try - is available at the click of a mouse in every teenage bedroom. Porn is no longer something that is sought out discreetly. On the contrary, now you have actively to avoid it. The saddest irony is that the over exposure of all this sexual activity, has not made today's youth more knowledgeable about sex or helped them to have more fulfilling sex lives; quite the opposite. Has happened . Today's young people have the same old problems. Unfortunately, they also have new ones. How can a young teenager, ignorant about sex and relationships, discriminate between what is normal and what is extreme? How can a boy who has seen dozens of images of women being abused by several men at a time learn to respect women, or see them as anything other than sex objects? How can a girl understand that it is OK to say no to sex? How can anyone learn to reconcile these images with the idea of sex in a loving relationship?"
THE NEW SEXUAL REALITY--THOUSANDS OF YOUNG HUSBANDS WHO WOULD NEVER SOLICIT A PROSTITUTE, OR CONSIDER GOING TO A STRIP CLUB, ARE NOW CONFRONTED WITH ALL THIS AND EVEN MORE, IN THE COMFORT OF THEIR OWN HOME. COMPARE BELOW
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For the younger generation, easy access to porn has created a new sexual horizon, which is having a devastating affect on young married couples. THIS IS THE NEW SEXUAL REALITY! There are many today within the marital bond, who are having problems with sexual compulsion that they never would have had, if it hadn't been for the internet. Many young wives today are noticing a marked decrease in their husbands sexual attention being focused on them. Internet blogs are full of stories of wives (especially), noticing this change. The internet has become the newest, most rapidly growing form of sexual acting out for many. Many men, some of whom have become addicted to internet porn, spend increasing amounts of time surfing the net for sexual material, downloading porn and repeatedly using these images for sexual gratification. The reason cybersex is so addictive boils down to accessibility, control and excitement. Sex on line is available on thousands upon thousands of sex-related internet sites. This uncensored buffet allows one to pick and choose anything they feel they want. How can the marital bed of those who continually expose themselves to this sexual onslaught not be adversely affected? Although it is not the only source, for those who sexually fantasize, the internet has seemingly overnight become one of the main resources chosen by many today. One expert said one of the main reasons why internet porn use and has skyrocketed is because of the its three way appeal; 1. Accessibility, 2. Anonymity, 3. Affordability.
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WIVES WHO HAVE TO MEASURE UP TO PORN STARS
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Wives today whose husband get caught up viewing pornography are up against impossible odds. If their husband is fixated on the porn images he's viewing, there is not a negligee she can wear, nor a perfume she can put on, or a dinner she can cook, which can compete with the sexual variety and inducements that porn has to offer. TODAY THANKS TO THE INTERNET, ONE OF THE GREATEST THREATS TO SEXUAL CONTENTMENT WITHIN THE BONDS OF MARRIAGE, IS PORN. Thanks to the internet and porn, Young married couples today, face sexual temptations, and sexual pressures on a scale which is unprecedented. Never before in the history marriage, has the sanctity of sexual intercourse within the bonds of marriage, been under the pressure it now faces. One article states, " Pornography can ruin your marriage. It's a fact and it is happening every day. The Internet is making it worse for many young couples. Along with all of the wonderful things the Internet has brought us, also came the ability to easily view endless amounts of adult content for free by anyone at any time and with complete discretion. Suddenly, for a man to look at hardcore adult videos became easier than picking the morning newspaper off of the driveway. For many young couples whose marriage was already under a strain, porn created a stumbling block that some are just not able to overcome Much of the infidelity we see taking place today has its roots in our modern excessive exposure to pornographic images. These images stir and fan the flames of man's inner lust, often to the point of their seeking to act out what they have seen." Eventhough these sexual images affect all who are constantly exposed to them, the greatest impact is on the man, because most men are voyeuristic, by nature. Porn on the net. Cyberspace is able to project a near perfect sexual environment, which has been described as "a world of plastic surgery, breast implants, and a wonderful airbrush quality to enhance further perfection". Pornography projects an image of the female body which rarely exist, and when it does, it doesn't last forever. Whatever our view is of how the perfect woman should look, the internet is able to visually provide her for us. The women shown in porn come from a very narrow part of the wide spectrum of how real women look. They are young, they have no stretch marks, they are thin or pleasantly plump, they don't have a pouch/gut, they have large breasts, and so on and so forth. If this is not our view of the perfect woman, the internet offers many variations on the so called perfect woman, and we can be sure that a whoever she is (in our mind) she's just a click away. In addition, these porn stars often wear makeup from head to toe, they are filmed with lighting that hides blemishes, and the pictures may be air brushed or digitally altered after they are taken. Most women can't even come close to looking like these women look in the nude. Even if some women/wives can come close to the air brushed, perfect physique look (while they are young), it's only a matter of time before their bodies (due to the ravages of time and age) will lose much of its physical attractiveness, then what?? The Bible speaks about the value of a good wife. It tells us she is more valuable than great sums of money. She instills confidence in her husband, and is a blessing to the man she marries. Prov. 31:10-12. In this same chapter, the Bible warns that physical attractiveness in a woman is at times very deceiving (seeming to offer way more than it can give). It is also a fleeting commodity. The Bible warns of the deceptive powers of physical beauty, and highlights the other often over looked commodity, which is THE CHARACTER OF THE WOMAN. According to the Bible, the most enduring quality of a woman is not how she looks, but how she really is (in character and conduct). The physical beauty of every porn star will fade away in wrinkles and fatty tissue, but the beauty of a good woman remains. Prov. 30:3 |
PORN----A UNREALISTIC VIEW OF SEX
1. Pornographers know the more common positions used for intercourse do not film well, so porn is full of strange and impossible positions. After constant exposure to these strange and impossible sexual positions, some young men (even after marriage), began to believe that these unnatural positions are needed in order to have normal sex (which is not true).
2. Pornographers know a lot of action and movement is more arousing (on the porn video) than soft, slow, gentle sex, so only the fast and hard kind is shown. Thus continual hard thrusting is projected as being the norm, which in real sex is not often the case, Each couple in marriage should find what works for them.
3. In porn, female orgasms are accompanied by an exaggerated amount of screaming and thrashing. This is not always the case, a woman will often have pleasurable orgasms without much fanfare.
4. In porn videos the women do not need foreplay - they are hot and ready by the time their head hits the pillow, or they need only a few seconds of stimulation. Thus the false assumption develops that a real woman is only a breath away from being in heat, 247-365. Most wives enjoy being courted, not just slammed on a bed, for sex.
5. In porn, truly sexy women are insatiable. They repeatedly have orgasms and they are so desperate for sex they will do anything with anyone. They want sex via every opening (through either vaginal, oral, or anal means). They want all types of foreign objects thrust into their vaginas, and they want intercourse in every position imaginable (you can flip them around like pancakes) and it's never painful or too uncomfortable for them. Many young men have bought into the porn lie, at the hurt, frustration, and discomfort of many young women (www.themarriagebed.com ) |
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Marriage is highlighted as the remedy for meeting one's sexual desires. In many cases this does not always happen. As a young person, you should understand that once you are married, you and your spouse must make a conscience effort to satisfy each other. It's not enough to be married but within the marital bond, each spouse must seek to totally sexually satisfy the other. Paul told those who were married, that they were to do all within reason to sexually satisfy each other. He warned to fail to do so, opened each other up to sexual temptations. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency". 1st Cor .7:5 . Not everyone has the same level of sex drive. (As most married couples can tell you.) Sometimes a woman's sex drive is lower than a man's, and sometimes it is the man who has the lower sex drive. It is also true that most men can become sexually excited much easier and quicker than most women. regardless of a couple's differing degree of sexual needs. Husbands and wives have a God ordained responsibility to seek to meet each other's sexual needs, to the point of fulfillment, (as much as it is humanly possible). There are some very common occurring situations, which many married couples say creates sexual stress, sexual frustration, and a lack of sexual fulfillment in a marriage. These are #1. Premature ejaculation, 2. The inability to obtain orgasm through regular sexual intercourse, and #3. An imbalance in sexual desire between the husband and wife. (compare below click tab to advance slides, I must warn you some of these comments are very graphic) |
THE FIVE STAGES OF SEXUAL INTERCOURSE
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The human sexual response can be described as a cycle with five stages. The pace at which men and women go from one stage to the other varies with each individual. As those who are young and entering marriage, better understand these five stages, it will help them to better understand the complexities of their sexuality, as well as the sexual complexities of their mate. We will also better understand how to meet each others sexual needs, as ordained by God. The normal sexual state is the unaroused phase. The unaroused phase is also the part of the cycle we return to after the sexual encounter is over. (That is if we have been sexually satisfied, we take a closer look at this in our book). Many young couples encounter various problems in one or more of these five stages. This in turn often creates sexual stress within the relationship. It is the will of God, that husbands and wives help each other obtain sexual fulfillment through each of these stages. (compare below CLICK ON NEXT TAB TO ADVANCE SLIDES). |
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MEETING EACH OTHERS SEXUAL NEEDS IN MARRIAGE
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As a pastor, my council to those who are single and burning in strong sexual desire, has always the same as that given by the apostle Paul. Paul's advice was, if you find yourself with a strong burning desire for sex, it's best to get married, rather than commit fornication. (I GIVE THIS ADVICE TO THOSE WHO ARE SINGLE, HAVING NEVER BEEN MARRIED AND TO THOSE WHO ARE SINGLE BY VIRTUE OF DIVORCE OR WIDOWHOOD). "2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. 1st Cor 7:2&9. After marriage comes the realization that not everyone has, retains, or maintains the same degree of sexual desire. While it is true those in marriage don't always have the same degree of sexual desire, (sex drive) this does not give the spouse with the lower sex drive the right to sexually deny their spouse. Being too tired, busy, disinterested, or having a headache, does not diminish the sexual desire of one's spouse. Neither does the lack of a sex drive, on the part of one's spouse, lessen the temptation of the other spouse (the one being sexually denied) to seek to have their sexual urge satisfied by other means. Just because the husband can satisfy his needs in two minutes does not give him the right to ignore the needs of his wife (which often requires more than a few minutes to satisfy). Paul also addressed this issue, he told those who were married, that it was not enough for them to just have sex. Paul told those who were married, that they were to strive to give thier spouse sexual fulfillment. "The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency". 1st Cor .7:4-5 . We have a God ordained responsibility to try within the best of our ability to satisfy our mate. Paul told the married believers their spouse had the right to use their bodies for sexual fulfillment and vice versa. Paul warned to deny one's spouse of their orgasmic rights, could lead to sexual temptations on the part of the one who is being defrauded.
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Some have learned when it was too late, that the relationship they have committed themselves to, in the name of love, was not love at all, but merely a case of intense sexual desire. Many young people in our society today, become blinded to reason. Due to the fact that they get lost in the euphoria of the intense sexuality of a new relationship. As great as sex is, if sex is the main binding force in a relationship (a situation referred to as the Lust/sex benefits only scenario) and other critical areas of the relationship are going lacking, it is only a matter of time before frustration will set in. It is God's will that couples come together in a marital relationship, which is well balanced. Our younger generation today has become so sexualized, that for many today they assume that good sex will fix a bad relationship. After marriage, as the couple realizes, that there are more rooms in the house besides the bedroom, the need to express love in other ways becomes obvious. Many situations will arise in a marriage, which simply having sex, won't fix, repair, or address. We all know it's possible to have sex without love. If there is a difference between sex and love, why are the two often confused? For example, when people speak of sexual intercourse they sometimes refer to it as "making love." Or, a young man may try to pressure his girlfriend into having sex with him by saying, "If you love me, you'd have sex with me. A question every young person who is thinking about marriage should ask, (and those who are married", is what the difference between love and sexual desire is. Love and sex is NOT the same thing. Love is an emotion or a feeling. There is no one definition of love because the word "love" can mean many different things to many different people. Sex, on the other hand, is a biological event. It should be kept in mind, as good as sex is, there are many things, in a relationship sex will not fix. Many young people today, who enter a relationship, often confuse strong sexual desire with love, there is a difference. |
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Much of the advice given to young people, concerning sexual matters, by those who are in ministry, concerning the degree to which a person's sexual desire affects them, oftentimes is not accurate. This is not to say that those who give this erroneous advice, do so with any malice or intent to deceive. All of us in ministry, (including this author) who gives advice in regards to sexual desire, need to be careful, least we give erroneous council, which is based on the degree of our own sexual desires and need, as opposed to what the Bible teaches. When it comes to sexual desire young people should keep in that, that, we are different, we all don't have the same degree of need or desire. Both Christ and the Apostle Paul taught this doctrine, but many today in ministry overlook or downplay what this fact. The fact we don't all have the same degree of sexual desire, was first emphasized by Christ, then later on by the apostle Paul. One day when Jesus was teaching his disciples about the seriousness of the wedding vow, they responded by saying, if this was the case, it was better that a man did not marry, but stay single. Jesus then told them that not everyone could stay single. 10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. 11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. Matt 10:11-12. Jesus told them that not all men were able to accept a celibate (single) lifestyle. He said they had to be given this ability. Christ went on to say that one of the main determining factor as to whether or not a person should stay single was the degree of their sexual need. What Jesus was saying is, not everyone has the same degree of sexual desire. In this teaching, Jesus placed men into four categories in regards to their sexual needs and abilities. 11 But he said unto them All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. 12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and #4. there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. Matt 10:11-12. The apostle Paul taught along the same lines as Christ when it came to a person's sexuality. Paul said he fit into the category of individuals, who by an act of their will (he called it a gift), could live a celibate life, without much strong sexual desire (#4. there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake.) . Paul said he wished the saints could stay single, as he was, so that they could labor more effectively in the ministry. Paul then said the ability to be celibate, and not be bothered with overwhelming sexual desires, was a gift that not everyone had. 7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. Paul went to say, using the same terminology as Chrsit used, 8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. Which is exactly what Jesus said. Everyone can't receive the saying not to marry 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. 1st Cor 7:7-9 Paul said "if they cannot contain themselves" they should get married.
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