Studies have shown that it's not always the couples who are most physically attractive, or most romantically inclined, or even those who claim to have a great sex life, who have the best marriages, But it's those couples who best understand their biblically assigned roles and walk in it, which have the best marriages. According to experts a study of marriage in history reveals that long-lasting marriages are generally those which are more "role" oriented than "romance" oriented. Couples who marry with a clear understanding of their biblical roles, and have as their primary purpose to carry them out, are generally happier in marriage than those who marry in order to simply get their needs met.
There is nothing wrong with desiring to have ones needs met in marriage, but the main focus of a husband and wife should be to meet each other's needs. It is possible to have a very positive marital experience. The secret to a good marriage can be summed up in one word, "EFFORT". In this book this is our central theme, EFFORT. A lack of effort on the part of one spouse (at times both), has led down the road of heartache and resentment, in many marriages. There are certain things husbands and wives can do to help lessen the chances of this happening.
WILL COUNSELING OR READING THIS BOOK HELP MY MARRIAGE?? There is some debate, as to whether or not marriage counseling or reading books such as this one helps.. There is no concrete answer to this question. Marriage counseling and reading books on improving ones marriage, may work for some. While for others it may only be a waste of time and effort. The key to making marriage counseling work is the effort you and your spouse put into the sessions with your counselor. If you and your spouse have a deep friendship and genuine love and affection for each other but are still having problems, counseling, can help save the marriage.
Of course you and your spouse have to go into marriage counseling willingly and with an open mind in order for it to be any benefit to you. Your counselor can only offer you advice based on the information you give them and while they are willing to act as a referee at times, you and your spouse have to have the desire to take the advice you are given and put it to practical use. Bob Trowbridge tells us, “A good marriage counselor can help a couple who want to make changes and heal their relationship. If one or both do not really want to save the marriage, no marriage counselor can change that.
The problem with most couples is that they only see a marriage counselor when the relationship is too far gone. The purpose for the counseling is not to save the marriage but to show one another and friends and family that they tried. They have already decided to split and the marriage counseling is just a necessary formality.” Marriage counseling and/or reading this book, without commitment will not work. Sadly, a very common problem is that both spouses are not willing to do the hard work it takes to improve or rebuild their marriage. Typically, the commitment level of one spouse is often much higher than it is for the other. Furthermore, the spouse whose commitment level is on the lower end, agrees to attend counseling only as a way of appeasing their mate.
The most important thing needed to improve or save a marriage, is the will to do it. However clichéd it sounds, the maxim, “Where there is a will there’s a way” hold true in case of marriages. However, (this cannot be overstressed) the will has to come from both spouses. Even if one spouse takes the first step, in obtaining counseling, or reading a this or a similar book, sooner or later, the other spouse will have to come on board.