UNDERSTANDING GOD'S SEXUAL REALITY PART #2
The way some religious people act you would think that man invented sex and God really didn't approve, but since it is the only way to get more people, He kind of tolerates it. The truth is GOD designed and invented sex! It was God's idea. He created the feeling, emotions and even the physical pleasure of sex. Howard Hendricks, professor at Dallas Theological Seminary in the U.S., once said "We should not be ashamed to discuss that which God was not ashamed to create." God created sex with a purpose just as He created everything with a purpose. God intended his creation to enjoy the pleasures and blessing of the sexual relationship between a husband and wife.
God created us as sexual beings - male and female. Sex, when practiced within the guidelines laid out by God, is not dirty. Our sexuality is a very powerful part of our lives, physically, emotionally and even spiritually. Because sex is so powerful God had to put boundaries on it to protect people abuse. Micca Cambell explains "Sex is God's idea. And it's a good one. Everybody wants in on it especially the marketing industry. Why? Sex sells. Advertisements use sex to sell anything from a hamburger to a Caribbean cruise. According to a Family Life resource, sex has become a cultural obsession, but the picture of sex that our culture paints is a cheap counterfeit and a perversion of God's original design. Premarital sex is so common in our culture today that some people who remain pure until marriage are considered "old-fashion." But God has your best interest in mind when He commanded us to wait and not engage in fornication. He wants us to experience the absolute best, rather than a poor counterfeit."
My council to those who are single and burning in strong sexual desire, has always the same as that given by the apostle Paul. Paul's advice was, if you find yourself with a strong burning desire for sex, it's best to get married, rather than commit fornication. (I GIVE THIS ADVICE TO THOSE WHO ARE SINGLE, HAVING NEVER BEEN MARRIED AND TO THOSE WHO ARE SINGLE BY VIRTUE OF DIVORCE OR WIDOWHOOD). "2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. 1st Cor 7:2&9.
After marriage comes the realization that not everyone has, retains, or maintains the same degree of sexual desire. While it is true those in marriage don't always have the same degree of sexual desire, (sex drive) this does not give the spouse with the lower sex drive the right to sexually deny their spouse. Being too tired, busy, disinterested, or having a headache, does not diminish the sexual desire of one's spouse. Neither does the lack of a sex drive, on the part of one's spouse, lessen the temptation of the other spouse (the one being sexually denied) to seek to have their sexual urge satisfied by other means.
Just because the husband can satisfy his needs in two minutes does not give him the right to ignore the needs of his wife (which often requires more than a few minutes to satisfy). Paul also addressed this issue, he told those who were married, that it was not enough for them to just have sex. Paul told those who were married, that they were to strive to give thier spouse sexual fulfillment. "The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency". 1st Cor .7:4-5 . We have a God ordained responsibility to try within the best of our ability to satisfy our mate. Paul told the married believers their spouse had the right to use their bodies for sexual fulfillment and vice versa. Paul warned to deny one's spouse of their orgasmic rights, could lead to sexual temptations on the part of the one who is being defrauded.
Each of us are sexually different, over time these difference can change even more. Many husbands have expressed their frustration, with the dramatic drop in their wives sexual desires, as their marriage progressed. Some wives have retorted by blaming a lack of continual courtship and romance on the part of the man after marriage as a major culprit. While in some marriages this is the case, researchers have found another major contributing factor. Researchers have found that women's libido plummets very rapidly when they believe they are in a secure relationship so much so that after just four years the proportion of 30-year-old women wanting regular sex falls below 50 per cent. Dr Dietrich Klusmann
The researchers from Hamburg-Eppendorf University interviewed 530 men and women about their relationships. They found 60% of 30-year-old women wanted sex "often" at the beginning of a relationship, but within four years of the relationship this figure fell to under 50%, and after 20 years it dropped to about 20%. In contrast, they found the proportion of men wanting regular sex remained at between 60-80%, regardless of how long they had been in a relationship. The findings for women contrast with those for men, whose sexual appetite hardly flagged at all up to 40 years after marriage. The study, by researchers at Hamburg-Eppendorf University in Germany, challenges the popular image of modern women as equal to men in sexual appetite. "Female their motivation matches male sexual motivation in the first years of the partnership and then steadily decreases,"
The study also revealed that tenderness was important for women in a relationship. About 90% of women wanted tenderness, regardless of how long they had been in a relationship, but only 25% of men who had been in a relationship for 10 years said they were still seeking tenderness from their partner. This is not to say that all wives fit into this category, there are some wives who have a stronger sex drive than their husband. But in most cases Study after study illustrates that men's sex drives are not only stronger than women's, but much more straightforward. The sources of women's libidos, by contrast, are much more difficult to pin down. It's common wisdom that women place more value on emotional connection as a spark of sexual desire. But women also appear to be heavily influenced by social and cultural factors as well.
Marriage is highlighted as the remedy for meeting one's sexual desires. In many cases this does not always happen. Husbands and wives must make a conscience effort to satisfy each other. It's not enough to be married but within the marital bond, each spouse must seek to totally sexually satisfy the other. Paul told those who were married, that they were to do all within reason to sexually satisfy each other. He warned to fail to do so, opened each other up to sexual temptations. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency". 1st Cor .7:5 .
Not everyone has the same level of sex drive. (As most married couples can tell you.) Sometimes a woman's sex drive is lower than a man's, and sometimes it is the man who has the lower sex drive. It is also true that most men can become sexually excited much easier and quicker than most women. regardless of a couple's differing degree of sexual needs. Husbands and wives have a God ordained responsibility to seek to meet each other's sexual needs, to the point of fulfillment, (as much as it is humanly possible). There are some very common occurring situations, which many married couples say creates sexual stress, sexual frustration, and a lack of sexual fulfillment in a marriage. These are #1. Premature ejaculation, 2. The inability to obtain orgasm through regular sexual intercourse, and #3. An imbalance in sexual desire between the husband and wife. (compare below click tab to advance slides).
THE FIVE STAGES OF SEXUAL INTERCOURSE
The human sexual response can be described as a cycle with five stages. In functioning within the sexual response cycle, a question every couple is faced with is, how far should they be willing to go in bringing their mate to the point of arousal and ultimately to orgasm. What may be viewed as a sexual turn on for one person may be a sexual turn off for another person. It is important that couples learn what really arouses and turns on their spouse. When a husband or wife express their sexual preferences, it is important that their mate seek to honor their request as much as possible, as long as their sexual request is not listed as being sinful in the word of God.
Each couple must come to a understanding of how they can best sexually satisfy each other. The pace at which men and women go from one stage to the other varies with each individual. By better understanding these five stages, it will help couples to better understand the complexities of their sexuality. This will also better understand how to meet each others sexual needs, as ordained by God.
The normal sexual state is the unaroused phase. The unaroused phase is also the part of the cycle we return to after the sexual encounter is over. (That is if we have been sexually satisfied, we take a closer look at this in our book). Many young couples encounter various problems in one or more of these five stages. This in turn often creates sexual stress within the relationship. It is the will of God, that husbands and wives help each other obtain sexual fulfillment through each of these stages.
LOVE VERSES LUST??? It seems that many today have a problem differentiating between love and sexual desire. While it's true that sexual intercourse is one way of expressing love, sex itself is not love. We all know it's possible to have sex without love. If there is a difference between sex and love, why are the two often confused? For example when people speak of sexual intercourse, they sometimes refer to it as "making love." Or, someone may try to pressure you into getting sexually involved by saying, "If you loved me, you'd have sex with me.
A question we all must come to terms with, if we are to have a sexually and emotionally fulfilling life as God would have us to, is what is the difference between love and sexual desire. Many have lived their whole lives so totally consumed with sexual desire, minus any true expressions of love, that they found themselves completely unsatisfied, miserable and frustrated. Sexual fulfillment as God would have us to obtain it, can best be achieved, when sexual intercourse, is combined with true love and commitment (emotional intercourse). Many today mainly follow the leadings of their strong carnal desires, which is commonly known as "LUST."
Today there seems to be a abandonment of the pursuit of true love and commitment, in lieu of the pursuit of strong carnal desires. In an article written by Duncan Moore he discusses the difference between love and lust, we quote, "To understand the Bible's view of sex we must understand the difference between love and lust. Love honors, values and seeks the best for the beloved. It focuses on the other person. It's selfless, sacrificial and inseparable from commitment. Lust, on the other hand, seeks to use things or people to meet its needs and gratify its desires. It focuses inward on itself, is inherently selfish, and rejects commitment. Love and lust are opposites. They are in direct conflict with each other.
The question to be asked is whether our sexual relationships are an expression of love or lust: "I want to honor and value you, giving myself to you," or "I want to use you as a tool to satisfy my urge for an orgasm, using you and taking from you." Strong carnal desire, when detached from a mindset of love and commitment, can be extremely destructive. Lust in the form of acted our carnal desire, is powerful and seductive. When acted on minus a mindset of love and commitment it always becomes and remains inherently selfish. As Duncan Moore explains. "As we foster and feed lust in our lives we're dragged inexorably towards isolation, loneliness, insecurity and emptiness. What do we have left when orgasm becomes boring and unsatisfying, left alone to face the pain of guilt and loneliness?
Love with commitment is clearly very expensive and hard work. It requires honor, respect, forgiveness and sacrifice. However it's the road out of the loneliness, suspicion and despair that plagues our culture. If we substitute lust for love we end up with a meaningless sensation which eventually loses its novelty and can never satisfy beyond the physical. God's intention for us is that we should be set free from the power and slavery of lust and become men and women of genuine love."
STRONG SEXUAL DESIRE, A SIGN ONE NEEDS TO BE MARRIED
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 1st Cor 7:2. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn, 1st Cor 7:9. *These verses highlights marriage as the solution, for those who are burning in sexual passion. Marriage is God's version of safe sex. The Bible's doctrine "it's better to marry than BURN" has now been mainly pushed aside by many today. They say they must first finish college, and get set financially, or simply date around to see what's out there. Unfortunately the sex drive of most people does not put itself on hold, until these goals are achieved. Thus in the midst of trying to get ahead financially and educationally, many today find themselves becoming sexually active, minus the marital bond.
Paul described the sex drive as so strong as to be a inner burning. The Bible clearly tells us that a strong sexual desires, are not dirty, sinful, or unholy, they are God given. Along with these desires, God has provided an outlet for these sexual desires. If you are single and struggling with masturbation, fornication, wet dreams, etc. this is a strong indication that you are burning with sexual passion. The Bible offers one solution to these sexual situations, marriage
The Bible clearly tells us, if we desire to be sexually active, we need to be married. The reason being there is coming a day when he will judge all who are sexually active outside the marriage bed. 4Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge, Heb 13:4. Sad to say for many today, this burning is not going unheeded, sexual promiscuousness, has dramatically increased, while the number of people getting married is declining. Rather than getting married, more and more couples are opting to simply move in together.
There is a growing trend in our western society involving couples simply living together out of wedlock. Our modern society has redefined "shacking up" with fancy names such as "cohabitation" and has for the most part, now mostly decided to approve of it. It appears that women may be some of the leaders in the cohabitation movement. In times past, women, as a rule, used to want and demanded the security of marriage, and the security of having a man in charge. The rise of feminism has gradually changed this mindset, in many women. There has been a dramatic increase in the level of premarital sex, and the loss of virginity before getting married. Many today postpone marriage, but not their desire for sexual intimacy. The Bible clearly tells us, if we want to be sexually active, we need to be married.
Some Bible teachers class sexual desire, as a option, rather than a need. Some, for example who are against remarriage after divorce, tell divorcees that they must remain celibate, and ignore their sexual desires (which for the divorcee, they call evil lust). They tell them to pray these sexual desires off, (which they label as a want not a need) and focus on God. The Bible on the other hand tells us a completely different story about our sexual desires. It tells us, for many individual, their sexual desires are strong and in reality is a need, which must be met.
Paul said, for those who burn with strong sexual passions (which is not in themselves sinful) they need to be, if it is at all possible married. Paul also said, for those who have so decreed in themselves to deny themselves sexually, and can live a celibate lifestyle (such as he, Paul did) they have the right to remain single if they so choose. God will show us what category we fit into. 8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn, 1st Cor 7:8-9.
Minister Josh Robinson tells us "premarital sex is a huge problem in today's world, yet many shy away from talking about its true ramifications. Taking a look at the Bible, it never says, "Thou shalt not live together in a house and have sex before thou are married." Because many people are looking for exact wordage to correct their lives, they miss the principles in the Bible. People usually look for "loopholes" in Scripture that they can use to rationalize their lifestyle, instead of looking at it for what it says. "Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God's people." Ephesians 5:3.
People who live together and/or engage in sexual relations outside of marriage, take part in what we call premarital sex. Have you watched TV or movies lately? The whole view of marriage is thwarted in media. It is the norm and completely tolerated for couples to live together before they are married, sometimes it is even encouraged. We use terms like, "make love" to describe sex before or outside of marriage. In popular shows we see that premarital sex is something a person does when they "love" the other person, with no mention of commitment or marriage. Without knowing it, this generation is faced with a decision to obey God's Word or the world's teaching.
Paul writes this to the church at Corinth: "Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body." 1 Corinthians 6:18-20. The Greek word translated "sexual immorality" or "fornication" in these verses is porneia (modern word for "pornography"). It basically means, "unlawful lust."The meaning of the word "fornication" means any unlawful (or outside the law-abiding act of marriage) sexual intercourse, including adultery. 1 Corinthians 6:13 says, "But you can't say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies.
$$$$$??? Many couples who move in together cite finances as being the reason. Usually the financial reason quickly disappears. The "separate room" mentality quickly changes into sharing a room together. Fornication quickly follows. My encouragement would be if you are living together, to go get married! If you are "burning with passion" then you should be married. See what the Apostle Paul says, "But if they can't control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It's better to marry than to burn with lust." 1 Corinthians 7:9. People want to sleep together with no strings attached, especially guys. To be honest, women get the raw end of the deal.
Usually they are bringing more to the table, emotionally and physically while men bring low commitment and security to the woman. David Popenhoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University say, "Men experience few social pressures to marry, gain many of the benefits of marriage by cohabiting with a romantic partner, and are ever more reluctant to commit to marriage in their early adult years." The reality is that sexual sin affects the mind, will and the emotions. According to God's Word, sexual fulfillment is only blessed in covenant marriage between a man and a woman (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5). Anything outside of marriage (premarital sex, adultery, homosexuality) is sin." (joshrobinson.cc)
There has been a dramatic change in the sexual landscape-- God in his perfect wisdom and knowledge of the future, knew in advance what would come with the increase in man's knowledge. It was for this reason at the tower of Babel, God purposely slowed down the advancement of the increase in knowledge, until the time of the end. The advent of the world of electronic media has changed the sexual landscape in ways, which just a few short years ago would have not been imaginable. Exposure to sexual imagery is not new, but the development of the internet has contributed to a marked shift towards more extreme and more violent sexual imagery.
The sexual reality today is that the sexual flood-gates have been ripped off the hinges. Sexual images and acts of every description and some which defy description, are readily available on the internet. These are more than just sounds and pictures on a screen. They are images that are ripe with meanings about men and women, what they like and about how they ought to treat each other. They are images that have lasting impact on the perceptions, attitudes and behavior of the individuals which are viewing them. The exposure of young people to pornography, including violent pornography, is particularly disturbing.
Marcia Segelstein says, "Most people probably don't picture kids when they think about who is viewing pornography. But according to statistics cited by the non-profit advocacy organization Enough Is Enough, the largest group of viewers of Internet pornography is children between the ages of 12 and 17. And there's more. The average age of first exposure to Internet pornography is 11. Eighty percent of 15- to 17-year-olds have had multiple exposures to hardcore pornography. Nine out of ten children between the ages of 8 and 16 with Internet access have viewed pornographic websites, sometimes inadvertently in the course of looking up information for homework. Scary stuff. Many marriages are being profoundly affected by the violative sexual landscape we as a society now face.
For many young people today, the only thing that stands in the way of them seeing hardcore sexual images of every type is the warning we list here. As we know this warning is completely ignored, as they click into the new sexual horizon. Television, radio, movies, and now the Internet are sexually exerting influence upon young people, in ways we have never seen before. We are witnessing a major sexual cultural revolution that is having an incredible impact on our society. Yet, despite numerous warnings, few seem to understand what is really going on or where this surging wave of social change is taking us! One college educator addressing the question "Is TV corrupting our kids?" states that "because much of the content of television and other mass media involves issues of sexual conduct, the potential for influence in this area is especially great" (Atlanta Journal, May 24, 1992).
Another professor observes that "the media are so compelling and so filled with sex, it's hard for any adult let alone a kid, to resist. I think of the media as our true sex educators" (USN&WR, Sept. 11, 1995)?yet films and television rarely show the serious consequences of promiscuous sex. The continuous portrayal of promiscuity as exciting, adultery as normal, and homosexuality as natural, plays a powerful role in molding attitudes and behaviors of the younger generation. When the human mind is constantly bombarded with images it is unable to think and reflect. The immediate availability of novelty, excitement and titillating thrills provide a pleasurable escape for young people who find their existence boring, empty, lonely or frustrating.
Hillary Freeman tells us, "There was a time when pornography seemed passive, merely a girly magazine, on the top shelf of the store. Now, pornography - much of it hardcore and depicting abusive sexual acts few of us can even imagine, let alone want to try - is available at the click of a mouse in every teenage bedroom. Porn is no longer something that is sought out discreetly. On the contrary, now you have actively to avoid it. The saddest irony is that the over exposure of all this sexual activity, has not made today's youth more knowledgeable about sex or helped them to have more fulfilling sex lives; quite the opposite. Has happened . Today's young people have the same old problems. Unfortunately, they also have new ones. How can a young teenager, ignorant about sex and relationships, discriminate between what is normal and what is extreme? How can a boy who has seen dozens of images of women being abused by several men at a time learn to respect women, or see them as anything other than sex objects? How can a girl understand that it is OK to say no to sex? How can anyone learn to reconcile these images with the idea of sex in a loving relationship?"
SEXUAL REALITY-THE FLOOD-GATES HAVE BEEN RIPPED OFF THE HINGES According to Dr Peter Hammond, "One of the most serious threats to our younger generation comes through the entertainment industry. Superficial, sensational and immoral material predominates in the modern entertainment industry and it is producing an increasingly superficial, selfish, mindless and immoral society. Television, Ipods, mobile phone screens, and the Internet are filling the void in the aimless and meaningless lives of all too many young people. Due to all this graphic exposure, the young generation today is exhibiting a marked increase in the interest and participatory level of sexual issues, at a much earlier age.
The younger generation is crying out for sexual answers, our response must not be panicked silence. Sex education in schools is insufficient, claimed Anna Martinez, head of a Sex Education Forum. She said: "Young people continue to tell us that there is a big gap between the sex education they need and the sex education they are getting in school, church, and from their parents. The younger generation is being taught a version of what sex looks like, and sounds like, its weird, violent, without restraints, and extremes, Parents and the church cannot ignore the phenomenon. Sex on TV and porn on the Internet is pervasive, and seemingly unstoppable. If banning it is a lost cause and blocking it at home in most cases ineffectual, then parents and Bible teachers have to gird their loins and talk about it.
Internet porn and the way sexual activity is depicted, on TV, can't be allowed to exist in a vacuum of silence; otherwise young people, on the cusp of sexual experience, might believe in its unrealistic depiction: that being sexually active is a must, that all girls are Brazilian bikini-waxed nymphomaniacs; that good sex amounts to "harder, and harder thrusting" that boys are devoid of true love, tenderness, and commitment. etc.
THE NEW SEXUAL REALITY
WIVES WHO HAVE TO MEASURE UP TO PORN STARS
Wives today whose husband get caught up viewing pornography are up against impossible odds. If their husband is fixated on the porn images he's viewing, there is not a negligee she can wear, nor a perfume she can put on, or a dinner she can cook, which can compete with the sexual variety and inducements that porn has to offer. TODAY THANKS TO THE INTERNET, ONE OF THE GREATEST THREATS TO SEXUAL CONTENTMENT WITHIN THE BONDS OF MARRIAGE, IS PORN. Thanks to the internet and porn,
Young married couples today, face sexual temptations, and sexual pressures on a scale which is unprecedented. Never before in the history marriage, has the sanctity of sexual intercourse within the bonds of marriage, been under the pressure it now faces. One article states, " Pornography can ruin your marriage. It's a fact and it is happening every day. The Internet is making it worse for many young couples. Along with all of the wonderful things the Internet has brought us, also came the ability to easily view endless amounts of adult content for free by anyone at any time and with complete discretion. Suddenly, for a man to look at hardcore adult videos became easier than picking the morning newspaper off of the driveway.
For many young couples whose marriage was already under a strain, porn created a stumbling block that some are just not able to overcome Much of the infidelity we see taking place today has its roots in our modern excessive exposure to pornographic images. These images stir and fan the flames of man's inner lust, often to the point of their seeking to act out what they have seen." Eventhough these sexual images affect all who are constantly exposed to them, the greatest impact is on the man, because most men are voyeuristic, by nature.
The rapid increase in the exposure of explicit sexual situations, is leading to more and more confusion and frustration. A crisis center which deals with this matter, say they are noticing a marked increse in the volume of emails, which denotes desperate, sexual concerns and confusion. The operator of this site say they have lost count of the number of young women in their late teens and early 20s, who write in with the same concern. They say their boyfriend and in many cases their husband, can't stop watching porn: 'Why does he watch porn so much when he's with me?'; 'How can I ever measure up to the women in porn?'; 'Why aren't I good enough?'; 'Is it normal to have pubic hair?"
Girls really do think they're expected to look like life-sized Barbie dolls: long of limb, large of breast and with no body hair whatsoever. Young men too are beset by insecurities and misapprehensions, fueled by exposure to porn: 'My penis is too small compared to the ones I've seen on the internet, how can I get it enlarged?'; 'I want to watch my girlfriend have sex with my best friend. Is this a good idea?? The floodgates of sexual information and misinformation, have not only been swung wide open, but have been ripped of the hinges, there is now no way to close them. This sudden and dramatic shift to the exposure of sexual imagery has left the various components of our society, who try to explain it all, (parents, churches, educational system, etc). Scrambling, in an attempt to explain to the younger generation, what it all means.
Porn on the net. Cyberspace is able to project a near perfect sexual environment, which has been described as "a world of plastic surgery, breast implants, and a wonderful airbrush quality to enhance further perfection". Pornography projects an image of the female body which rarely exist, and when it does, it doesn't last forever. Whatever our view is of how the perfect woman should look, the internet is able to visually provide her for us. The women shown in porn come from a very narrow part of the wide spectrum of how real women look.
They are young, they have no stretch marks, they are thin or pleasantly plump, they don't have a pouch/gut, they have large breasts, and so on and so forth. If this is not our view of the perfect woman, the internet offers many variations on the so called perfect woman, and we can be sure that a whoever she is (in our mind) she's just a click away. In addition, these porn stars often wear makeup from head to toe, they are filmed with lighting that hides blemishes, and the pictures may be air brushed or digitally altered after they are taken. Most women can't even come close to looking like these women look in the nude. Even if some women/wives can come close to the air brushed, perfect physique look (while they are young), it's only a matter of time before their bodies (due to the ravages of time and age) will lose much of its physical attractiveness, then what??
The Bible speaks about the value of a good wife. It tells us she is more valuable than great sums of money. She instills confidence in her husband, and is a blessing to the man she marries. Prov. 31:10-12. In this same chapter, the Bible warns that physical attractiveness in a woman is at times very deceiving (seeming to offer way more than it can give). It is also a fleeting commodity. The Bible warns of the deceptive powers of physical beauty, and highlights the other often over looked commodity, which is THE CHARACTER OF THE WOMAN. According to the Bible, the most enduring quality of a woman is not how she looks, but how she really is (in character and conduct). The physical beauty of every porn star will fade away in wrinkles and fatty tissue, but the beauty of a good woman remains. Prov. 30:3
PORN----A UNREALISTIC VIEW OF SEX
1. Pornographers know the more common positions used for intercourse do not film well, so porn is full of strange and impossible positions. After constant exposure to these strange and impossible sexual positions, some young men (even after marriage), began to believe that these unnatural positions are needed in order to have normal sex (which is not true).
2. Pornographers know a lot of action and movement is more arousing (on the porn video) than soft, slow, gentle sex, so only the fast and hard kind is shown. Thus continual hard thrusting is projected as being the norm, which in real sex is not often the case, Each couple in marriage should find what works for them.
3. In porn, female orgasms are accompanied by an exaggerated amount of screaming and thrashing. This is not always the case, a woman will often have pleasurable orgasms without much fanfare.
4. In porn videos the women do not need foreplay - they are hot and ready by the time their head hits the pillow, or they need only a few seconds of stimulation. Thus the false assumption develops that a real woman is only a breath away from being in heat, 247-365. Most wives enjoy being courted, not just slammed on a bed, for sex.
5. In porn, truly sexy women are insatiable. They repeatedly have orgasms and they are so desperate for sex they will do anything with anyone. They want sex via every opening (through either vaginal, oral, or anal means). They want all types of foreign objects thrust into their vaginas, and they want intercourse in every position imaginable (you can flip them around like pancakes) and it's never painful or too uncomfortable for them. Many young men have bought into the porn lie, at the hurt, frustration, and discomfort of many young women (http://www.themarriagebed.com/ )
MEETING EACH OTHERS SEXUAL NEEDS IN MARRIAGE
Some have learned when it was too late, that the relationship they have committed themselves to, in the name of love, was not love at all, but merely a case of intense sexual desire. Many young people in our society today, become blinded to reason. Due to the fact that they get lost in the euphoria of the intense sexuality of a new relationship. As great as sex is, if sex is the main binding force in a relationship (a situation referred to as the Lust/sex benefits only scenario) and other critical areas of the relationship are going lacking, it is only a matter of time before frustration will set in. It is God's will that couples come together in a marital relationship, which is well balanced. Our younger generation today has become so sexualized, that for many today they assume that good sex will fix a bad relationship. After marriage, as the couple realizes, that there are more rooms in the house besides the bedroom, the need to express love in other ways becomes obvious. Many situations will arise in a marriage, which simply having sex, won't fix, repair, or address. We all know it's possible to have sex without love. If there is a difference between sex and love, why are the two often confused? For example, when people speak of sexual intercourse they sometimes refer to it as "making love." Or, a young man may try to pressure his girlfriend into having sex with him by saying, "If you love me, you'd have sex with me. A question every young person who is thinking about marriage should ask, (and those who are married", is what the difference between love and sexual desire is. Love and sex is NOT the same thing. Love is an emotion or a feeling. There is no one definition of love because the word "love" can mean many different things to many different people. Sex, on the other hand, is a biological event. It should be kept in mind, as good as sex is, there are many things, in a relationship sex will not fix. Many young people today, who enter a relationship, often confuse strong sexual desire with love, there is a difference.
Much of the advice given to young people, concerning sexual matters, by those who are in ministry, concerning the degree to which a person's sexual desire affects them, oftentimes is not accurate. This is not to say that those who give this erroneous advice, do so with any malice or intent to deceive. All of us in ministry, (including this author) who gives advice in regards to sexual desire, need to be careful, least we give erroneous council, which is based on the degree of our own sexual desires and need, as opposed to what the Bible teaches. When it comes to sexual desire young people should keep in that, that, we are different, we all don't have the same degree of need or desire. Both Christ and the Apostle Paul taught this doctrine, but many today in ministry overlook or downplay what this fact. The fact we don't all have the same degree of sexual desire, was first emphasized by Christ, then later on by the apostle Paul.
One day when Jesus was teaching his disciples about the seriousness of the wedding vow, they responded by saying, if this was the case, it was better that a man did not marry, but stay single. Jesus then told them that not everyone could stay single. 10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. 11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. Matt 10:11-12. Jesus told them that not all men were able to accept a celibate (single) lifestyle. He said they had to be given this ability. Christ went on to say that one of the main determining factor as to whether or not a person should stay single was the degree of their sexual need. What Jesus was saying is, not everyone has the same degree of sexual desire. In this teaching, Jesus placed men into four categories in regards to their sexual needs and abilities. 11 But he said unto them All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. 12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and #4. there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. Matt 10:11-12. The apostle Paul taught along the same lines as Christ when it came to a person's sexuality. Paul said he fit into the category of individuals, who by an act of their will (he called it a gift), could live a celibate life, without much strong sexual desire (#4. there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake.) . Paul said he wished the saints could stay single, as he was, so that they could labor more effectively in the ministry. Paul then said the ability to be celibate, and not be bothered with overwhelming sexual desires, was a gift that not everyone had. 7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. Paul went to say, using the same terminology as Chrsit used, 8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. Which is exactly what Jesus said. Everyone can't receive the saying not to marry 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. 1st Cor 7:7-9 Paul said "if they cannot contain themselves" they should get married.
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