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This is a continuation from the study we did titled " "SELF UNDERSTANDING, FULLFILLMENT, MY STORY" We will reiterate some of things we said in that portion of our study, as they relate to this portion of our study, let's begin, Have you ever seriously asked God what does he want from you, or require of you?? Of course depending who you ask, you are subject to get a very wide range of conflicting answers. Yet there is no denying the fact that there are certain things your creator does require and desire of you, but just what are these things. There are many who go there entire life, without giving this matter much attention at all. Unfortunately for them, this matter will not go away, and on the day of judgement, God will fully reveal to all of us, those who want to know, and those who don't care to know, what his will and desire was for their life. Early on in my life, when I got to the point where I was out on my own, and could come and go as I pleased, I put great effort in acquiring the things and doing the things I thought, would bring me peace and fulfillment. On this list was obtaining worldly possessions, drugs, parting, and sex (for each of us our list may vary, but we all have a list). In the midst of my carnal pursuits, I also realized that there was a God out there somewhere, so to a very limited degree, I sought to include Him in my plans. As time passed, I by way of many life's ups and downs realized that I needed to get God a little more involved in my affairs. Not only this but I also realized early on in life that God was real, in fact I began to sense that he had a call on my life. So just what did God want from me, and what did he want me to do?? I began to envision in my mind what constituted answering the call of God in ones life. I based what all I envisioned in regards to answering the call, on the things I saw those doing who claimed to have answered God call on their life. Thus I assumed that answering Gods call meant the following, 1. Going to church on a regular basis, 2. Reading the bible on a somewhat occasional basis, 3. Breaking bad habits, (such as smoking, drinking, cursing). 4. Becoming a morally good person, (by way of a general observance of the ten commandments), 5. Doing good things, helping others, 6. Participating in ministry of some sort, 7. Basing the doing of all the items on this list, on the fact, that I in my mind, by faith had accepted Christ, and verbally expressed this fact to others. Thus I like most of my peers viewed the putting into practice of these and similar actions, as being that which constituted salvation, or as some described it, "being born again."
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Even though I had been brought up in church, my pursuit of the things which looked good, felt good, and made me look good, pulled me away from this. But now that I was in my own way, seeking to answer the call of God in my life, I knew that I would have to be more astute with my religious activity. So I set out to adhere to God's religious to do list, as I perceived it to be in my mind. In my mind I imagined an endless list of religious obligations coupled with do"s and don'ts. of the Ten Commandments. In my drugged out mindset, I thought that when I did these religious things in the proper amounts, it really was a turn on for God: as he with holy glee, observed all my religious efforts. So I began to put real effort into doing the things, which I felt was on God's religious to do list. So there I was, attending church, sitting on a pew, singing hymns (off key), occasionally praying and reading the Bible. I figured that if I did these religious acts in the proper amounts, this would satisfy God, and also insure that instead of being well done (in the fire) on the day of judgment, God would tell me well done. The only problem was, that my desire to be religiously pleasing in the sight of God was not strong enough to cause me to stay on point. It seemed as if I was on a scale trying to balance making God happy, while at the same time making myself happy. Thus I found myself doing the religious stuff I felt God wanted to see. But I also found myself pursuing the things that I thought would give me fulfillment. (COMPARE BELOW) CLICK THE NEXT TAB BUTTON TO ADVANCE SLIDES
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This was a very perplexing time for me, as I sought to grasp just what it was, that God wanted for me, while at the same time grasping for the things I wanted. Like I said, earlier in this study, I was determined to be in control of my own life. I had welcomed God to tag along, and I was willing to do some religious stuff, but I admit I wanted to do things my way. As I said earlier I also felt that in my own way I was saved and my religious activity was proof. Yet in spite of my religious conduct, I still found myself more and more struggling in the areas of self understanding, finding true fulfillment, and functioning in the salvation I had claimed by faith. During this time I really struggled to understand myself. Instead of having inner peace, the struggle was intensifying. I would tell myself that I was saved by grace, not works, yet I felt compelled to do religious stuff. In the area of finding fulfillment, I still frantically pursued the things (any thing, all things) that I thought would bring me fulfillment. I was desperate to find the proper balance between what I felt God wanted, by way of religious conduct, and what I wanted, by way of fulfillment. On one side there was still the inner me stilling screaming out at me, asking where was the fulfillment and peace, I promised myself. On the other side there was still small voice telling me that in spite of all my religious conduct, that there was still something missing. But how could there be this inner struggle??? Even though my religious train was going full steam ahead, I knew from past experiences that I was going to run into some major items of derailment. I knew this because I had traveled down these tracks before, and did fine until certain items appeared along the way. In times past these and similar items had derailed the whole process. It simply seemed that my desire to be religiously pleasing in the sight of God was not strong enough to cause me to stay on point. Looking back I now understand what Paul meant, when he said, that if our hope in God is only in and for this world, we might as well party now. If the dead are not raised, "let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die, 1st Cor 15;32. I think that although I had gotten more religious, this time, as opposed to in times past, I was not sure that my desire to be religiously pleasing to God, would be strong enough to help keep me on track. Besides I was still not convinced, that perhaps there was away to be religious enough to avoid hell, while at the same time holding on to all these things.
EVERY TIME MY RELIGIOUS EFFORTS GOT BACK ON TRACK, I KEPT RUNNING INTO THINGS WHICH THREW ME BACK OFF TRACK. CLICK NEXT TAB TO ADVANCE SLIDES BELOW |
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I went back and forth, one moment I was doing my religious activities, the next moment I was pursuing the things on my list I felt would give me fulfillment. I just could not ever get the balance right. When I actively did my religious activities, I was miserable. When I did the things I thought would give me fulfillment, I was miserable. I just did not understand?? Just what was it that God wanted from me?? As I have said, on May 21ST 1974, I finally gave heed to that soft quiet voice in my mind, that kept telling me there was something still missing in me (perhaps you are hearing that same voice??) I had came to the point in my life where I simply ran out of energy. I was tired of trying to give myself fulfillment, and I was tired of trying to be religious enough to patch up and maintain, my version of salvation I literally fell on the floor and began to cry. As I lay on the floor crying, I told God I had failed in my efforts. I finally realized If he did not by his grace help me, I would never find real fulfillment, or obtain real salvation. I finally admitted to him and more importantly to myself that I did not know Him. I FINALLY GOT TO THE POINT WHERE I ADMITTED TO HIM, I DID NOT HAVE A REAL RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. I ALSO REALIZED THAT THIS WAS WHAT I NOW WANTED MORE THAN ANYTHING--A REAL RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM, BUT HOW COULD I OBTAIN IT???? At that very moment it was as if a bright light had clicked on, inside of me, and for the first time I saw and understood me, THE REAL ME!!!! I saw my conduct as truly being sinful, I saw my true character, I was a sinner, and I saw my true state of being, I was lost and on my way to hell. I began to tell God the truth about the person I had just discovered in me, (the real me). But as I began to tell Him about the ugliness of the real me, God began to show me the real meaning of Christ on the cross. It was at that very moment that the ugliness of the real me, came face to face with the beauty of him hanging on the cross, for me, WOW!!!!!. It was at the cross, where I fully and finally understood me. I finally understood just how much Christ loved the real me. It was at that moment that I finally realized what God wanted all along. He wanted a real relationship with me, the real me. All this time I had been offering him new and improved religious conduct, thinking that was what he wanted from me. I was blind to the fact that it was not my religious conduct he was most interested in IT WAS ME. This is what he had been trying to show me all along. I also realized that the fulfillment I had been trying to find and give to myself was really in the relationship he was offering me. It was right then that I decided that I also wanted a real relationship with him. Therefore I determined within myself to tell him the whole truth about me. I finally understood this verse ???For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." Jn 3:16. What was happening in me, was truly amazing, my faith was going through a metamorphosis. The same faith, I (in my mind) had directed toward me, thinking I could give myself fulfillment, And the same faith I had used to believe that I could become religious enough to obtain salvation: I was now using to believe, that if I really believed on Christ, he would really, really!! save me (did you get that?). I began to tell God that I BELIEVED. While I was yet expressing my faith and gratitude to God, something wonderful happened, I actually experienced the presence of God acknowledging my faith, and filling my very being (The real inner me) with his spirit. It was at this moment that I knew that I had just met Christ and entered a real relationship with him. I now realize that this is what he wanted all along, (Compare below, click the next tab to advance the slides). |
THE DAY I TOO OFF THE MASK, WAS THE DAY I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD
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Often when I tell my testimony I realize that most people are fearful of being this intimately open with God. They prefer religion over intimacy with God. But in order to obtain true salvation, God requires much more than religious acts. Wait a minute!! (You may be thinking) "I could never pray like that." If you desperately want to know him and to enter into a real relationship with him, as much as I did that night YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF PRAYING IN SUCH A MANNER!! God tells us that in order to enter a relationship with Him, everything in us, must cry out to everything that's in Him. 12 Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. 13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. Jer 29:12-13. Coming to God in such a intense level of truth may be scary, because it calls for true Intimacy. It's scary because it means being open, honest and vulnerable, (Just as he had to do, when he laid aside all his power and might, and hung on that cross for you). Inwardly we all crave acceptance and fear being exposed. Our inner fear is "if you see me and know me as I really am on the inside, you may not like me. Worse still, if I know me as I really am on the inside, I may not like me either!" Yet it is only to the degree that you are open and honest, that you can ever be known for who you truly are. Furthermore, it's only to the degree to which you are known that you can ever feel truly loved. If you wear a mask, others may like the mask. But you will never feel loved because your mask is not you. God is all knowing and he loves the person behind your mask. It's to YOU that he says, "I LOVE YOU" and I want a real relationship with you. Perhaps this is what has been missing in your life, a relationship with the God who sees behind your mask. This is what happened to me on May 21st 11:30 PM. I came to realize that God wanted a relationship with the person behind my mask. And just importantly, I came to realize that the person behind my mask wanted a relationship with Him. PLEASE CLICK ON NEXT TAB BELOW TO ADVANCE SLIDES BELOW |
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THE VEIL--This loose-hanging four-inch thick sixty feet by thirty feet curtain was there to keep sinful man out of the Most Holy Place. That thick imposing veil in the Holy of Holies symbolized that which separated sinful man from the holy presence of God. The only way sinful man could ever approach a most holy God is by means of blood. The veil shut out and kept everyone from further approach. The curtain hung there as if to say, "This far and no more." The Bible tells us the moment Jesus died on the cross, THE VEIL WHICH BLOCKED THE WAY TO THE PRESENCE OF GOD WAS RIPPED OPEN. "Jesus, when he had cried again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost. And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent, Matt 27:50-51. Thus God was signifying, the price was now paid (the shedding of his blood) and the way made, for all who wanted to, to come humbly yet boldly before his presence. This is the reason why we are able to enter into the presence of God with boldness. No longer do we need another human mediator in the person of a priest (or pastor) to represent us; for we are called to be priests in the order of Melchizedek. And, Jesus is our high priest forever! The veil was torn once and for all and we are free to enter into fellowship with the Father at any time as his children. God Himself tore the veil completely from the top to the bottom, not man. The tearing of the veil is significant in that now, ALL MEN, both Jews and Gentiles can freely come before the presence of God by the blood of Jesus. Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me". God promised that he would one day enter into a new covenant, with men. God promised in this covenant, those who came before him, would have a up close and personal relationship, with him. Behold, the days come, saith the LORD, that I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel, and with the house of Judah: Not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt; which my covenant they brake, although I was an husband unto them, saith the LORD: But this shall be the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel; After those days, saith the LORD, I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts; and will be their God, and they shall be my people. And they shall teach no more every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the LORD: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the LORD: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more, Jer 31:34.
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We invite you to join us for the next part of this study. In this portion we will examine the question of, WHY GOD HATES RELIGION. Please click on that topic, on our page list, and ti will take you to that page. WHY GOD HATES RELIGION |
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