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HOW TO OBTAIN TRUE CONTENTMENT PART #1
THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE MARRIAGE
UNDERSTANDING GOD'S SEXUAL REALITY
DIVORCE REMARRIAGE AND BEYOUND
BORN THIS WAY??? MY STORY OF DELIVERANCE
VIOLENT FAITH
PROSPERITY --WHEN THE DREAM FAILS
When God gives up part one
THE MIND A JOURNEY TO SELF UNDERSTANDING
When God Gives Up part two
THE MARK OF THE BEAST?? LGBT?? IT THIS A TEST??
SAME SEX MARRIAGE
OVERCOMING-LOVE, SEX, AND ROMANCE ADDICTION
YOUNG AND COPING, in the days of youth
THE KINGDOM
Divorce Remarriage And Beyond Part 2
THE #1 PROBLEM NO FEAR OF GOD
BEING A SOUL SURVIVOR #2
PART #2 THE MIND A JOURNEY MY STORY
REMEMBER GOD IN THE DAZE OF YOUTH
MARRIAGE-THINGS TO CONSIDER AFTER
Totally Ill Prepared
#2 LGBT A CIVIL RIGHT OR A MORAL WRONG
WHERE ARE THE REAL MEN
LOVING GOD FIRST, LOVING OTHERS,  GETTING A RIGHT BALANCE
TRUE DELIVERANCE IN THE CRITICAL AREAS
HUMAN--SEXUALITY
LGBT A STUNNING SUCCESS STORY ..OR IS IT??
THE LGBT AGENDA
ARE PEOPLE BORN GAY
LGBT??  TABLE OF CONTENT
THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE MARRIAGE
THINGS TO CONSIDER AFTER MARRIAGE
THE SALVATION CONSPIRACY
THE MIND A JOURNEY TO SELF UNDERSTANDING
THE LGBT LIFESTYLE,  THE PROPHETICAL SIGNIFICANCE
HOW TO OBTAIN TRUE CONTENTMENT #2

Many tend to think that God does not understand what it is to enjoy carnal and sensual pleasures.  These carnal delights are items such as eating and enjoying a good meal, enjoying the beauty of  a sunset, enjoying a lovely song, enjoying the sensual delights that are aroused through sexual intercourse, and are many more. This view of God is false and unrealistic.  This distorted view of God is a lie that originated with and is perpetrated by SATAN.   The truth of the matter is that it is GOD who best knows how to give man   pleasure and fulfillment on every level of his existence.  

Compare the words of Paul,  "Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not highminded, nor trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy;"   1st Tim.  6:17. God's ability to give man pleasure on every level of his carnal existence is something that most people have trouble accepting, especially in the area of carnal and sensual pleasure.  Through lies on the part of Satan, and a lack of understanding on the part of man, God is relegated to a mode of sternness and holiness without any capabilities of having or giving pleasurable emotions. 

The Word tells us otherwise.  It states that pleasure is one of the spiritual and emotional entities that is associated with God.  Thou wilt show me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore. Ps. 16:11.    The pleasurable aspects of our lives was intended by God to be a source of continual blessing.  Since the fall of man, many now pursue these pleasures wrongly, and excessively, over and above God's guidelines.  This is perhaps most apparent in the sexual choices and path of conduct we choose.  We all have the choice to following Gods law or to deny it and violate it.  All those, whose main pursuit is pleasure, will never attain fulfillment, peace or  righteousness.

ADDRESSING THE REAL ISSUES AND PROBLEMS

In this study we will take a very honest and up close look at the real affects of  love, sex, and romance addictions.  One of the hardest things for a person to see, accept and acknowledge is his or herself, as they really are.  It is often just as difficult to acknowledge the negative consequences which will result as a result of our negative activity, in the area of actions we are hooked on doing. Love and sex addiction can create devastating consequences in the lives of those who are addicted to them. 

In order for a person to be delivered, they must take a honest (though at times painful) look, at what their actions are doing to them.   It is politically correct these days to refer to and define an addiction as being a "disease".  The problem with that word is that it sounds like something you catch, like a virus, rather than something you choose to do.  Deliverance and recovery does not take place until the addict takes responsibility for his or her choices.  By calling an addiction a disease, we risk conveying the idea to the addict that he or she is not responsible for the addiction.  The truth of the matter is that addiction is a choice, and God will judge us for the choices we make.   Every addiction is 100% curable if the addict is willing to take responsibility for his or her actions. 

 
 

A BRIEF LOOK AT EACH OF THESE THREE ADDICTIONS

Romance addicts are in love with  romance, i.e. euphoria, intimate rendezvous, passionate sex, erotic fantasies, etc. They do not obsess over one person except for short intervals. To romance addicts the objects of their affection are interchangeable. Anyone they are attracted to is who they want to be with - the more partners the better. Romance addicts are high on the chemistry of love, wherever they find it, and they move on as soon as the romance wanes. Brenda Schaeffer Romance Addiction refers to those experiences when the object of love is also a romantic object. This object/person can be a romantic partner or live only in the love addict's fantasies.

The "fix" may be an elaborate fantasy life not unlike the story line of a romance novel, or the euphoria of a new romance. In either case, the rush of intoxicating feelings experienced during the attraction stage of a romance?a state sometimes referred to as limerance?is the drug that can become a substitute for real intimacy. The pursuit of this high can become an addiction in itself. Romance addicts in the context we are now looking at,  are more so addicted the initial thrill and novelty of a new relationship, as opposed to being permanently fixated on one person.  

Unlike relationship addicts who focus on one person, no matter how negative and destructive, their conduct might be,  romance  addicts desperately seek for Mr or Miss right.  Unfortunately, when they do supposedly find them and the initial thrill and newness is gone,  they soon lose interest, are once again are in the hunt, for the next Mr or Miss right.  Others in this group will stay in the marriage they are in, but find themselves constantly focusing on and fantasizing about the latest secret object of their affection. Dale Kay Lillak, LMFT makes the following observations,  "{romance}  addicts can be recognized by their movement from relationship to relationship, multiple marriages, affairs while in a committed relationship, and their general focus on the next man or woman who might come into their lives.

The flight in and out of relationships soon looses its thrill, and the romance addict is left with pain and loss. Some romance addicts may be hooked on fantasy lovers. Fantasy lovers are people the addict loves and longs for from a distance. These people may not actually go in and out of relationships, but instead spend large amounts of time in chat rooms, reading romance novels, or going to movie after movie. This frantic behavior is an attempt to feel good. To replicate the initial feeling of being in love. Unfortunately, what usually occurs is deadening depression. Chat rooms, romance novels, and movies are not negative in themselves, they are meant to be entertaining, stimulating, and fun.

For the love addict, these pursuits become the tools of their addictive process. This romance addict creates a fantasy relationship and tries repeatedly to fit the person into the fantasy. Even in the face of evidence to the contrary, the romance addict will continue the fantasy of being in love with the perfect mate. Love becomes addictive when that feeling of euphoria which occurs during romantic love becomes the goal. The early stage of a relationship when the other is still unknown, when we can look endlessly into their eyes, when the sound of their voice causes our heart to race, is the bonding stage. This early stage (the beginning, the first meeting, the first kiss) is followed quickly by the first weeks and months of the relationship, and the physical arousal level is high."

LOVE/RELATIONSHIP ADDICTS,  who fit into this group, tend to fixated on one person.  For those in this group, keeping the object of their affection in their lives can become an overwhelming obsessive, addictive need. This 'need' can become so deeply embedded in the recesses of their mind that it creates a irresistible sense of 'need? for this person, which outweighs almost everything else. ( including ones health, well being, family, sanity, etc).   Many in this group emotionally attach (addict) themselves to a person who seemingly has nothing positive to offer them. 

The root of this situation stems from fact, the person who is emotionally hooked on the other, has inwardly developed within themselves, a neediness for this person.  They become fully convinced that irregardless of how negative this person's  behavior is, or how much this person hurts and abuses them, they need them.  Those who totally surrender and lose their own dignity, identity and sense of self worth, out of a feeling of neediness for another, normally do so at great expense and harm to themselves.  Those who delegate the responsibility of the upkeep of their self worth to the maintenance of a relationship, normally fit a certain profile. 

Coralie Scherer, Ph.D. and Al Cooper, Ph.D.M  gives the following profile of such individuals. "They may have grown up in extremely dysfunctional households where one or both parents were either addicted to something (e.g., alcohol, drugs, work, gambling, etc), mentally unstable, violent, physically and/or emotionally abusive, or even sexually inappropriate with their children. The result was that the parents were emotionally unavailable to their children and thereby discounted their child's perceptions and needs. Future love addicts often became caretakers of one or both of their dysfunctional parents. In this way they got some of their emotional needs met to feel important or valued.

These kids brought into adulthood a paralyzing fear of abandonment so strong that they would do anything to keep a relationship from breaking up. Used to a lack of love in relationships, they are attracted to partners who are as emotionally unavailable as their parents. They hold hopes of transforming the object of their affection with the power of their love. They stay focused on the loved one and discount their own needs and desires. They take on the blame, guilt, and responsibility for the relationship and keep trying harder and harder to please.

They are willing to suffer and endure pain in hopes of getting their partner to acknowledge and appreciate them in ways their parents never did. People who are kind, respectful, and solicitous of them are found wanting, dull, and lacking in excitement. The love addict becomes restless around persons who might really provide them with genuine caring and nurturing. The love addict's caring turns to control as they try harder and harder to achieve the security they never had in childhood. However, rather than create that idealized fairy tale ending they wish for, they more often recreate the home they were raised in."

 

SEXUAL ADDICTION, There are those who develop a lifestyle of a strong dependency on the euphoria of sexual arousal accompanied by the pursuit of the sexual gratification of this arousal.  They literally become addicted to the "high" associated with sexual activity just as others become addicted to the euphoria of alcohol or drugs. When people over-emphasize the importance of the euphoria of sexual arousal (increased sexual desire) in their lives, it begins to dictate a lifestyle to them, and they become obsessed with thoughts of sex. Eventually they lose control of how often, with whom, and under what circumstances they will engage in sexual activities.  

Thus their lives becomes and endless cycle of viewing pornography, masturbating, soliciting prostitutes, etc,   they become enslaved to compulsive sexual behavior. What begins as "just having a little fun" or "satisfying normal urges," gradually lures them deeper and deeper into the mire of bondage. Dr. Victor Kline, a clinical psychologist at the University of Utah, has interviewed and treated over 200 sex offenders. He released a study describing the four-step process of a person's addiction to pornography.  These steps are also applicable, to the development of other forms of sexual addictions. #1. ADDICTION, #2. ESCALATION, #3. DESENSITIZATION, AND #4. ACTING OUT SEXUALLY.  We will therefore look at the general developmental process of sexual addiction, while in each of these categories also look at one of the most documented forms of sexual addiction (addiction to pornography).  

 

LOVE AND SEX ADIICTION HAVE SIMILARITIES

Even though they don't fit into the same category (conduct wise) sex addicts and love/relationship addicts have a lot in common.  We will take a brief look at a description of the conduct and attitudes of love and sex addict.  By doing so we will see how some of their attitudes and behavioral traits crossover, between the two. According to Brenda Schaeffer "The power of sexual love is unequaled in human experience. In fact, she says,  sex may be the only experience that profoundly affects all three of the pleasure planes (arousal, satiation, and fantasy) in our neurochemistry.  It is easy to see, then, how sex can become an addict's drug of choice. 

Sexual addiction is a compulsive driving desire,  involving any type of uncontrollable sexual activity that results in negative consequences.  This is also the case with the love addict, their compulsive driving desire also leads to negative consequences.  When obsessive-compulsive sexual behavior is left unattended, it causes distress and despair for the individual and his or her partner and family. Denial causes the sexual addict to distort reality, ignore the problem, blame others, and give numerous justifications for his or her out-of-control behavior. T

he addiction progresses until sex becomes the essential need, more important than family, work, or spiritual integrity.  We live in a culture that promotes sex as the drug of choice. Perhaps the mounting negative social consequences of sexual compulsion will motivate society to take this problem more seriously. The cost of this addiction to our society is more than financial. The fabric of our spiritual, emotional, and relational lives is affected as well".   As we said earlier sex and love addicts have a lot in common.  Their actions also bring similar negative results.

 

INTERNET PORN ADDICTION THE NEW EPIDEMIC

There are many today within the marital bond, who are having problems with sexual compulsion that they never would have had, if it hadn't been for the internet.   The internet has become the newest, most rapidly growing form of sexual acting out for many.  Many men, some of whom have become addicted to internet porn, spend increasing amounts of time surfing the net for sexual material, downloading porn and repeatedly using these images for sexual gratification. This is also now causing many to become addicted to constant masturbation.

The reason cybersex is so addictive boils down to accessibility, control and excitement.  Sex on line is available on thousands upon thousands of sex-related internet sites.  This makes it easy to fall into an obsessive pattern of internet use for sexual gratification.  One can develop a sense of being in complete control of their world with no checks and balances. Today sexual intercourse of every type and description (and some which defies description) is available for all to see. 

With no one to see them, a curious person can enter any of thousands of dominance and submission rooms, fetish rooms, bisexual rooms, rooms where oral, anal, and beastly sex is on full display.  This uncensored buffet allows one to pick and choose anything they feel they want. How can the marital bed of those who continually expose themselves to this sexual onslaught not be adversely affected?  Although it is not the only source, for those who sexually fantasize, the internet has seemingly overnight become one of the main resources chosen by many today. One expert said one of the main reasons why internet porn use and has skyrocketed is because of the its three way appeal; 1. Accessibility, 2. Anonymity, 3. Affordability.

 

ADDICTED,  The generally agreed upon psychological definition of an Internet sexual addict is someone who compulsively goes online for sexual gratification, often to the point of losing jobs and relationships with loved ones. Everyone is aware that it is easy to become addicted to cocaine or heroin. But how about pornography? Researchers have made that startling new discovery, and a group of counselors and therapists is warning this addiction may soon become an epidemic. Pornography may be the new addiction of this new century.  It's not only the sexual arousal which pornography causes which has such a powerful draw, but it's also the chemical changes which take place in the body.  

Researchers are finding that when people indulge in porn, they release powerful chemicals in their brain and body.   One researcher who has been researching and writing about porn addictions for a number of years, as well as training pastors and counselors on how to deal with it,  explained that, when people view porn, "It causes the brain to release what we call endogenous drugs or endogenous chemicals. 'Endogenous' meaning 'produced from within.' So where cocaine or alcohol  seek to mimic the brain's natural chemicals, pornography releases the real deal.  Now suddenly you have a little mouse where you hit a button, and instantly you get this flood of brain chemicals. Many who have gotten involved with porn were not even aware that these chemical reactions were taking place in their bodies; all they know is that viewing porn has an intoxicating affect.

This is a true testimony of a pastor who became addicted to porn--- As a  pastor I found myself in the unthinkable. I was hooked on internet porn. Despite a guilt-ridden conscience, I tumbled silently through a cycle of shame, repentance, and broken vows. Seasons of apparent victory collapsed in times of stress, when the comfort of habit proved too difficult for me to resist.

I often preached on sexual purity, and warned against the woes of pornography, with my own bondage to it undetected.  I compartmentalized it in my mind, I rationalized. I minimized.  I would stop, with the porn, while preaching and teaching on it.   After abstaining from it and fervently preaching against it,  I would reward myself, with a good dose of it, for doing such a good job of  preaching against it and abstaining from it.   I can't go like this it's too much to bare. 

This brother is not alone; many who are reading this are Christians including many ministers, who have gotten caught up in sexually addictive behavior.  If this is the case with you, and the shame and despair you are experiencing, has caused you to be on the verge of giving up, hold on please don't give up there is hope.  God has a way of breaking the addictive chains that bind you. King David gave a very powerful testimony of how God brought him up out of the miry clay of sinful bondage and completely set him free, 1 I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. 2  He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. 3 And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD.  Psalm 40:1-3 .  There is a way out!!!

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