Skip to main content
Why are we sexually accountable to God?
Our video library
YOUNG AND COPING, in the days of youth
Divorce Remarriage And Beyond Part 2
A most violent time
The beast manipulated mind



Welcome, in this segment, we will be sharing with you, from portions of one of our latest books.   {A JOURNEY TO THE PLACE OF SELF UNDERSTANDING}   My personal journey to this place was very rough at times due to the fact that I was determined to make this journey my way.  In fact when it came to the total package, of what we call "life"  I felt that I was smart and competent enough, to plot my own course.   I honestly felt that I knew the best way, to get to the place of self understanding and fulfillment.   I think that you will find that my journey, is situationally, very similar to your own.   LET'S BEGIN.   PLEASE CLICK ON THE NEXT TAB BUTTON TO ADVANCE THE SLIDES BELOW

 MY JOURNEY AND THE TESTIMONY OF THE THINGS I ENCOUNTERED----I would like to share with you the things I experienced, on my journey toward the place of self understanding.  Like I said, my main goal was to obtain the things which looked good, felt good, and made me look good.  Many of you are perhaps expecting this to be a story of how I found religion. You are not sure what type of religion,  but you are defiantly sure it's about how I found religion.  WRONG!! This is about much more than finding a religion, or even a church to affiliate with.  One of the most surprising discoveries I made on this journey, was that God is not mainly interested in religion.  Did you know that God said he got fed up with empty religious activity, and Christ said the day would come when even the most impressive church buildings would be torn down? 12 When you come to appear before me,   who has asked this of you,  this trampling of my courts? 13 Stop bringing meaningless offerings!   Your incense is detestable to me. New Moons, Sabbaths and convocations?   I cannot bear your worthless assemblies. 14 Your New Moon feasts and your appointed festivals   I hate with all my being. They have become a burden to me;   I am weary of bearing them. Isaiah 1:12-14 (NIV).  *1 Jesus left the temple and was walking away when his disciples came up to him to call his attention to its buildings. 2 "Do you see all these things?" he asked. "Truly I tell you, not one stone here will be left on another; every one will be thrown down."  Matt 24:1-2.   Your mind's quick assessment, that the story about to tell you is about acquiring religion, Is the mind's way  of quickly building a protective wall around itself.  It is also a way to hinder you from seeing the real battle that you are in.    I fully understand, because this is exactly what I went through, before I arrived at the place of self understanding and fulfillment.   A major hurtle for me on my journey to self understanding stemmed from the fact that in certain areas of life, I thought I was smarter than God.  I was not alone in my "smarter than God assumption"on my journey to the place of self  understanding, I encountered many individuals who felt the same way I did.  In fact, if the truth be told, there are many  people today who are placing their hopes of finding fulfillment and even salvation in science and man's intellect.   Much of this hope is based on our modern day advancements and breakthroughs is technology. 

A major hurtle today that many of us on our journey to the place of self understanding, must overcome, is the fact that we actually think that we are smarter than God, *(even if you never admit it).   As long as you tenaciously embrace this image of yourself, you will be greatly hindered on your quest to reach the place of true self understanding. Perhaps it's because we live in such a technologically advanced world, in comparison yo our predecessors, that many of us take this to mean than our technology and ability to comprehend, makes God irrelevant.  Maybe in our mind we secretly want to toss out God because that means tossing out his rules. Then we can do whatever we want, with no consequences.  Our self induced illusion that we're smarter than God is having a profoundly tragic impact on our society today. Singles in their 20s and 30s, raised in the computer age, may consider God hopelessly primitive and antiquated.   Yet the one who many think that they are smarter than, (God almighty), told us in advance thousands of years ago, that our knowledge would dramatically increase.  *This was foretold in the Bible, (the book many intellectuals view as irrelevant). Not only did God tell us that knowledge would dramatically increase, but he also warns that this increase in knowledge, would be a major sign that the time of the end us near. "But you, Daniel,  shut up the words, and seal the book  UNTIL the time of the end  many shall run to and fro and knowledge shall increase. Dan 12:4. In order for your journey to the place of self understanding to be a success, we must deal with that part of you which thinks that it's smarter than God.  This mindset is in all of us rather we acknowledge or realize it or not.  (At first I did not fully realize I was walking in this attitude).  The apostle Paul mentioned the part of us, to which the things of God,  (the things we must do to find life and true fulfillment),  seem stupid, irrelevant and at times outright crazy.  Paul even gave this part of you and I a name.   Paul calls this part of us,  "the natural man."  Compare what Paul said about, this person who lives in us all, 14 But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.  1st Cor 2:14.  In the next clip below we list some of the most common aspects of ourselves (the natural man), that we may consider smarter than God. We will call these "the different smart me's."  These mindsets normally are in us all, in varying degrees.  The age at which these mindsets began to develop in us also vary.   PLEASE CLICK ON THE NEXT TAB BUTTON TO ADVANCE THE SLIDES BELOW.

We all have a tendency to gravitate toward the things which looks good, feels good, and makes us look good.  Because of this tendency we often find ourselves at odds with God.  This stems from the fact that he has our best interest at heart, and knows what's best for us.  You and I are also in a battle for our lives.  Not our physical life; it's for our "forever life."  It is therefore critical that we know who our enemies are, and where this battle is being waged (I admit, there was a time in my life when I did not know this).   On one side there's the real you (the inner you), and your greatest needs (as defined by God).  Included in these needs are you need for, self understanding, fulfillment, and a right relationship with Him. On the other side are your two main enemies. The first foe is you!! Or should we say your mind.  Why your own mind?  Because your mind seeks to convince you, (as my mind did me) that your main purpose in life is to obtain by possessions or position, whatever, looks good, feels good, and makes you look good. Your other foe, (who actually seeks to convince you that you'e right to think this way) is the great manipulator of the mind, Satan: who is also the most brilliant strategist of all time. In fact he's so brilliant, that he has convinced the minds of most people that he really does not even exist. (Perhaps he's convinced you).  Please keep in mind that the you I speak of is, who is in this battle, is not the physical you that everyone sees.  The you whom I speak of is the real you, the inner you.  What complicates the battle that you are in, stems from the fact that, the inner you who is in this battle, has to fight in hostile territory, your on mind.  It is Gods will that we pull down the strongholds which are entrenched in our minds.  What are the strongholds?  you ask.  Anton Bosch tells us, "These strongholds are habits, thought patterns and complexes that have been built in our mind over many years. They are built one thought at a time and become very powerful as they dominate the landscape of our thinking and feelings. The world and its systems continue to build forts in our lives through a constant stream of thoughts, ideas and arguments that infiltrate our minds through the gates of our senses, primarily our eyes and ears. We will never win the battle against these strongholds until we stop the flow of misinformation to our minds. Our arguments against God's will, His Word become so fortified in our minds that nothing short of a miracle will be able to penetrate it with the truth. It is often over years of self-justification and rationalizing that these strongholds are built, stone by stone, argument by argument until it is a fortress behind which we hide from God and our responsibilities."   It is God's will that we reach the place of self understanding, obtain true fulfillment, and salvation.  As I began my journey,  I did not initially grasp the link between the three. 

So just how does a person cut through all the mind clutter and get to the truth?  I found the answer to this question on a Tuesday night at about 11:30 pm, on May 21st, 1974. Looking back at many of the things I encountered before that night, I can clearly see how easy it is to be honestly confused.  Even so today many are confused when it comes to,   1. Who they are, (self understanding).  2. How to obtain real peace of mind,  (fulfillment)  and 3. What constitutes a right relationship with God, (salvation).    I well remember the mind battles I encountered (prior to May 21st 1974), as I sought to grasp who I was,  how to fulfill me, and function in my version of salvation.  I also remember how energetically I pursued, the things (all things, anything),  in this life I thought would bring fulfillment.  And even though I believed that there was a God, with whom I sought a casual relationship,  I was not yet ready or willing to let him be control, (I fought tenaciously to maintain control).  I tried many things and many ways, on my journey to self understanding, to grasp me and my real purpose in life. Little did I realize, that in midst of my struggles, that God already had plans for me which were leading me toward the place of true self understanding.  As I began my journey to self understanding in earnest, there were several key  things I set out to do.  #1. I sought to understand me and my purpose on this earth.  #2. I sought to obtain  joy, peace, and fulfillment, in life, and #3. I sought to have a relationship with God, on a some what limited bases, (called on my terms). So there I was as a young person,  seeking fulfillment, peace and happiness, while at the same time, to a very limited degree, acknowledging God, (as I perceived him to be in my mind). *Perhaps you are now at this same stage, on your journey.  Society is looking for people who have arrived. We value people by their appearance, their intelligence, their talent, their athletic ability and their wealth.  Yet when God defines us, God goes much deeper into who we are, than our possessions, outward appearance and abilities. God knows us inside and out, he knows our greatest needs, He also sees all of our conduct,  knows our true character, and fully grasp our true state of being. God has many things and situations, (others witnessing to us, conviction, signs, etc), to continually reveal to us the truth about our 1. conduct, 2. our character, and 3. our state of being.  If only we would pay attention to what he is showing us about ourselves. 

It was my desire in life to find fulfillment, but I also realized that somewhere our there, there was a God.  Thus I sought to find fulfillment in life, while at the same time appeasing, this God with some degree of religious tokenism (moral conduct, occasional church attendance, etc). In my mind I set out on my quest for self understanding, to find fulfillment, and just to be on the safe said I invited God to tag along.  I tried many things in my attempt to find rest, peace, and fulfillment, but each attempt only led to more frustration. Then I came up with this brilliant idea, that the problem was, that I did not have enough of the things I thought would bring me fulfillment, (sex, money, good times, etc). So I pursued these things even harder, which led to even more despair, which at times bordered on depression. I then concluded, that what was missing was, the fact that although I had invited God to tag along, on my quest, I now needed to allow him to be a little more involved in my life.  At this point in my life I re-invited God in my life, I redid what is commonly known as the accept Christ my personal savior routine. Thus in my mind I was set, I was now saved, on a higher level than the other time (or times) that I had accepted Christ.  (and I was still in control).    Instead of having inner peace, with this setup,  the inner struggle only intensified.  On one side there was the inner me screaming out at me, asking where was the fulfillment and peace, I promised myself I would obtain, on this quest, On another side there was my mind telling me that I was saved, while at the same time, nagging inner questions about my so called salvation lingered.  While yet on the other side there was a still small voice telling me that there was still something missing, and there was a better way.  But how could there be this inner struggle??? I was doing the things which were supposed to give me fulfillment.  And to be on the safe side, I had prayed the sinner's prayer and re-accepted Christ. So there I was facing an inner struggle, On one side there were the thoughts in my mind, which  sought to convince me that I was saved.  On the other side was a still small voice which kept telling me that was something was missing. In my mind I desperately sought to walk in and embrace this type of salvation. For most people this is the type of salvation they have embraced, they told themselves that they were saved or someone else told them, (for some it was the combination of both).  I would often ask myself if this was all there was to being born again, why was this still small voice constantly telling me otherwise??                   PLEASE CLICK ON THE NEXT TAB BUTTON TO ADVANCE THE SLIDES BELOW.


I found myself more and more struggling in the areas of self understanding, finding true fulfillment, and functioning in the salvation I had claimed by faith.  As far as finding fulfillment I kept promising myself that it was in the next high, party, woman etc. always the next.  As far as my salvation was concerned, during this time I relied heavily on the teachings of those whom I felt were the experts, in the area of salvation.  I especially hung on the words of those who I viewed as being the religious giants of my day.  To me Billy Graham was on the top of this list.  I read something he had written, which my mind took great comfort in, (for a little while anyway).  He said that a person does not have to remember a time in my life when God told me I was saved.  The religious leaders of my day (such as Billy Graham) assured me that as long as I had had accepted Christ I was ok. In my mind I desperately sought to walk in and embrace this type of salvation.  During this time I really struggled to understand myself. Instead of having inner peace, the struggle was intensifying.  On one side there was the inner me stilling screaming out at me, asking where was the fulfillment and peace, I promised myself I would obtain, on this quest. While yet on the other side there was still small voice telling me that there was still something missing, and there was a better way.  But how could there be this inner struggle???   THE NEXT SET OF CLIPS BELOW, SHOWS YOU WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH (THE VICIOUS CIRCLE).  I PURPOSELY  DON'T TELL YOU WHERE THEY END. THIS IS SYMBOLIC OF THE FACT THAT GOD HAS GIVEN YOU A SIMULAR CHOICE, IT'S UP TO YOU.  (COMPARE THE CLIPS BELOW).   CLICK THE NEXT BUTTON TO ADVANCE

The struggle I went through was very intense; at times I felt that Satan was trying to rob me of my joy and my salvation. But on May 21st 1974 I came to the point where I asked myself, "what joy and what salvation??"  When I looked back in my life, I could remember accepting the Lord, but I could not remember him telling me he had accepted me. I could remember going back and re-reading his word for assurance that he had accepted me, (John 3:16, was a key verse).  Yet in spite of believing it and reading it, I finally began to understand, what had been troubling me inwardly all this time.  It finally became clear to me what this small still voice was trying to get me to see.  I had the testimony from myself and from others that I was saved, but God had never told me personally.  I was trying to live a saved lifestyle, without God ever saving me.  Everyone else had told me that I was saved, but I had not heard it from God himself.  (Perhaps this is what that still small voice is trying to tell you).   The weight of this knowledge became to heavy for me to bare, on May 21st 1974. Therefore at about 11:15 PM I fell on my knees in my dark room living room, and cried out to God, with everything in me.  I told him that in spite of the fact that my mind was telling me I was saved I did not know him, and had never met him.  

That night I came to the point in my life, where I was tired.  I was tired of trying to give myself fulfillment,  and  I was tired of trying to patch up and maintain, my version of salvation. I literally fell on the floor and began to cry.   As I lay on the floor crying, I told God I had failed. And,  I finally realized If he did not by his grace help me, I would never find real fulfillment, or obtain real salvation.. I admitted to him that I did not know him. While I was praying, it seems as if Satan and my thoughts ganged up on me.  I could hear my thoughts screaming at me, telling me I was a fool for lying there on the floor crying and praying in that dark room. There were forces at work that night, that tried to persuade me to give up and just die. But the more my thoughts fought against me, the more I cried out to God for help.  I became so desperate that night, to really know God. that I determined within myself to tell him the truth no matter the cost, (at that moment,  I had no more tricks, cons or lies, only the truth).   I began to confess to God about how all of my adult life, I had sought to use him, for my own selfish ends.  The more I told God that night the uglier the person I was telling on (ME) became.  Again I could hear my mind telling me, "don't you tell God that, don't admit this" but in spite of how ugly the picture was getting I was determined to tell him about the real me.  I wanted to tell him about the me that no one else could see. The prayer I prayed that night may not have been fancy, or theologically correct, but I meant every word of it.  I had never prayed to God like this in my Life.  Yet after all the crying and praying, NOTHING HAPPENED.  I did not understand,  I had prayed, I had told him the truth, yet nothing happened.  I don't know what I had expected, but surely something was supposed to happen.    Once again my thoughts kicked in high gear, My mind tried to get me to get angry at God, (for a moment, I think I did). In my anger or perhaps disappointment I almost got up off the floor,  but I realized I had no place else I could go, nor anyone else to turn to but God. My inner emptiness and tiredness pushed me to cry out to God even stronger.   PLEASE CLICK ON THE NEXT TAB BUTTON TO ADVANCE SLIDES BELOW.


The problem for many of us is we may not want to really see the real us,  (many hide from themselves in a religion), God seeks to show us to ourselves.  We all have a inner comfort zone, were we console ourselves against the rigors and hardships of life.  Within this inner comfort zone, we seek to convince ourselves that we are not all that bad, no worse than anyone else.  We seek to convince ourselves that the choices we have made in life are not to awfully bad, all things considered.  The truths of God often invades this inner comfort zone, in our mind, and seeks to show us our true inner selves. It is impossible for a person to ever reach the place of self understanding, without a willingness on their part, to look without flinching, at the true nature of their conduct,  their character, and their state of being, AS GOD WOULD HAVE THEM TO SEE THEMSELVES.  It was then I realized why nothing had happened:  Nothing had yet happened, because when it came to my conduct, my character, and my true state of being,  (the real me), I had not fully been honest with God or myself, (even though I thought I had).  I had to take a hard open look at me, in a way I had not yet fully done.  (perhaps that's been your problem as well).   At that very moment it was as if a bright light had clicked on, on the inside of me, and for the first time I saw and understood me,  THE REAL ME!!!!   I saw my conduct as truly being sinful,  I saw my true character, I was a sinner, and I saw my true state of being,  I was lost and on my way to hell.   I began to tell God the truth about the person I had just discovered in me, (the real me).  But as I began to tell Him about the ugliness of the real me, (I had finally arrived at the place of true self understanding), God began to show me the real meaning of Christ on the cross.  It was at that very moment that the ugliness of the real me, came face to face with the beauty of him hanging on the cross, for me, WOW!!!!!.  It was then that I realized, that this very person I had just come to know,  (the real inner me) was the same person God knew  all along.  In fact this was the person he really loved, and who Christ died on the cross for, WOW!!!. At that moment at the cross of Christ I finally understood the real me, and how much Christ loved the real me.   

At that very same moment my faith kicked in, and became bolder and stronger, than it ever had.  My faith took off in a completely different direction, than the way I had been trying to utilizes and steer it. All of a sudden I fully and truly believed.  The same faith I had used in times past, to believe I knew how to give myself fulfillment: and this same faith which my mind had sought to use to convince I was saved, I was now using this same faith to believe, that if I used it to believe on Christ, he would save me, (did you get that?).  Again, The same faith I had used to believe I knew how to give myself fulfillment and that my mind had used to convince I was saved, I was now using this same faith to believe, that if I used it to believe on the Christ,  hanging on the cross, he would save me. While I was yet believing on Jesus and telling God that I believed, something happened, that I have never experienced in my life. It was at that moment, that I experienced the presence of God filling my every being with his spirit.  It was at this moment that that same small still voice, which had been telling that something was missing, now bare witness to me inwardly, that I had just met Christ and he had saved me. WOW!!!   (Has that same voice been calling out to you??).  I later found out, that what happened to me that night, is called being born again.  It's the moment in a persons life, when God fills them with his spirit.  (Perhaps this is what's missing in your life).  Not religion, but a real relationship, with God through Christ. Please pass the good new on to others, by sharing this story with them.   CLICK THE NEXT TAB TO ADVANCE SLIDES BELOW.
Please go to the next portion of this study.  It's called "GOD WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?" Click on the title and it will take you there. 
Site Mailing List  Sign Guest Book  View Guest Book 
Knowledge is power!